TS 3 Chapter 14

 Chapter 14

Guntram de Lisle's diary 

December  19^th, 2015 

Auckland

The first memories I have from waking up in the hospital are nurses and doctors buzzing like bees around me. Later, I realized that the buzzing noise was made by the machines attached to me and that nurses and doctors were trying to speak to me like normal human beings. I suppose they were afraid that twenty something days in an induced coma had turned my brain into purée, but no, it was still all right. 

At first I didn't understand what had happened to me. I was only hearing things like “everything worked out fine”; “you're doing much better now”; “it was a though case” and so on, but then I finally saw the two tubes coming “from inside me”, right under my ribcage and going to a machine with wheels. I didn't know what it was or maybe I didn't want to find it out. Those days, sleeping was the best thing that could happen to me.

Doctors deemed that I was doing better and transferred me to a room with the machine coming along with me. This thing is a child size cube with wheels, with blinking lights and LCD screen. 

I was able to sit on the bed and it took a lot of my strength to stay like this. My body felt as if it would weigh a ton and my head spun around and I threw up. The nurse told me to lay down and sleep and I obeyed her. At that point I couldn't tell if it was day or night because I was sleeping more than a groundhog.

When I opened my eyes again I saw Konrad sitting on the leather couch next to my bed. I blinked a few times and shook my head because he was the last person in the world I expected to see ever again. He put down his iPad and looked at me with that cold, business like stare he has before board meetings. 

“I understand that my presence may be a shock for you.” Konrad told me and rose from the chair and bent down over me to kiss me on the forehead. “Look happy to see me because we're treading on ice at the moment,” he whispered with his lips touching my skin. 

I froze. 

He sat again on the chair and forced a smile. I mirrored him. 

“Your children are at home with me,” he said. “Happy and dying to see you as soon as possible. I'm taking care of them, just as you asked me.” 

I wondered for a few seconds if I had really lost it with all the drugs, courtesy of the medical community, I had taken. 

“Kostya plays the piano very well.” Konrad must have seen my bewildered face and was giving me the cue to follow his lead. We played that game for years at dinner parties or any other social occasion when I had no idea whom I was speaking with. 

“Thank you,” I said quietly and two elephants were dancing on top of me. 

“I'll bring the boys tomorrow if the doctors allow it. The surgery went very well and the device works fine.” 

I was shocked. 

“It's a temporary solution but it will work until we reach the donor.” Konrad said calmly and walked towards a desk in the room to get some papers out of it and return to the bed side. 

“What donor?” I was really confused because doctors never tell a thing to an ICU patient; they treat you like a two year old and drop the shit on the family. 

“Your heart finally gave up. There was nothing else we could do, so I authorized the surgery. At the moment, you're alive thanks to an artificial heart and it is a miracle that you're speaking to me again. Doctors say that you're quite well aware of your surroundings and time.” 

Nobody like Konrad von Lintorff to tell you that you're the mix of a zombie and a cyborg and on top, add that sparkling touch of optimism that makes you want to jump from a building. 

“Is this an... I don't have a heart?” I stammered. 

“Well, the old wound opened by itself and from what I've been told you were bleeding and choking on your own blood at the reception desk when you arrived. The organ was so deteriorated that you were signed up for a transplant.” 

“Where's Constantin?” I asked. I mean, he knew I rejected these kind of things. Konrad knew it too. 

“Mr. Arseniev passed away before I came here.” Konrad said calmly. “I'm sorry.” He began to look at the papers while I stared at him and wondered if I was on psychedelic drugs.  

“How?” I think I said. 

“It was a burglary that went wrong. The police are investigating it. Luckily, Mr. Antonov was able to take your boys into his care before it happened and they saw nothing. Mr. Arseniev's condition was very delicate when he called him.” 

No way in hell I believe that. No way Constantin is dead. 

I looked at Konrad and he put his mobile phone out of his jacket and his finger danced along the screen. 

“Here!” He put the phone nearly on my nose. I had to take it from his hand to see what he had. It was a picture of my boys sitting on his lap and they looked great. “Ferdinand took it in the garden at home. They want to see you.” 

“Are they fine?” I asked because I was feeling the terror rise from the deepest parts of my mind but my “heart” didn't react at all. 

“Of course they are!” Konrad protested. “They're sad about you but we're doing our best to keep their spirits high.” 

“Do they know it?” 

“About your heart. Yes, something like this. Kurt thinks is cool to have robotic parts inside you. Coming to think, it's quite a modern marvel this machine.” 

I wanted to cry but if I know his temper and my boys are under his care, I'd better play along. I closed my eyes to hide the pain from him. 

“Thank you,” I whispered. 

“They're great kids.” Konrad said and extended a folder to me. I couldn't take it so he left it over my stomach. “I need you to sign these forms naming me your children's tutor for the duration of your medical emergency. You can't leave the hospital and much less fulfill your paternal duties towards them. It's a formality for the New Zealander authorities.”

“What?” I croaked. 

“It's a formality. To keep the Social Services people away. So they can be with their brothers in Zurich,” he told me as if it were nothing and put a pen on my hand. “Sign each page.” 

I was torn. I swore never to let him have my boys but there I was; hooked to a machine. 

I didn't want Kurt and Kostya to be left bare feet. 

I opened the folder and signed the first page. I looked at the Montblanc fountain pen and recognized it.

“It's mine.” 

“You left it behind when you went away and I took it. I hope you don't mind.” 

“No,” I finished signing the papers and he took them from me. Writing was a huge task for me and I felt so tired after it that I only wanted to sleep. 

“It's a temporary solution until you are better and can travel.” 

“You don't stop until you crush your enemies,” I told him. “You have my children now.” 

“As I said, it's a temporary solution. You'll see them tomorrow,” he told me calmly and put the papers away, back in his briefcase. “With God's help you'll get better and return to Zurich to us.” 

I had thousands of things to tell him but I couldn't. I was so drained that I had no strength to fight with him. Not even to hate him. 

Right there, I wasn't able to spit him on the face for what he had done to my father. “I'll get them back.” That was a futile threat because he had what he wanted and nothing would prevent that some “brother” would inject some air into my veins that same night. 

“Of course you will. I have utter faith in your survival skills.” 

I don't know if that was an ironic remark or a praise. What? I don't care what he thinks! 

“The doctor will be with you in a few minutes and he will explain you better the medical issues regarding your new condition. Until tomorrow.” 

Just like that, he left. Why would have he stayed? We're officially going through divorce and I should be glad that he's taking my boys in after Constantin is gone. I will miss him a lot but I don't have the strength to cry for him right now. I still don't believe he's gone. He was fine in the restaurant when I argued with Altair. Later his doctor told me that his permanent coughing was due to a throat cancer and I feel horribly guilty for not being with him when he needed me. Why on earth didn't he tell me he was sick? We were friends and lovers. 

Strangely, though he's dead, I don't feel like something is missing in me. Constantin is gone now and I miss him but I feel I can continue without him. It's like a door had been closed and I have the key but I don't feel the urge to use it. I'm surrounded by the good memories of the last months we spent together and his death isn't painful to me now. Maybe later, but now, I accept that he's gone and I hope that he was happy with me in the end. 

True to his word, Konrad came again the next day and this time with my sons. Kurt jumped to my bed and nestled on my chest but the nurse put him away very quickly. I felt disappointed but I understand her. He was very upset but Konrad calmed him down as he let me had my calmer son Kostya in my arms. 

Seeing them lifted my spirits. To be honest, I thought I was going to die this time. I have to put up with this shit the doctors put inside me for them and I hate it with all my soul. For them I can't let myself be dragged by my sorrow over Constantin's death. I can't allow myself to mourn him now. He wouldn't have wanted it. He would have wanted me to fight for his boys. 

I regret to have made up my mind against this machine with such haste in the past. My children were very sad because I wasn't there and without Constantin, nobody would take care of them. I also know that the Chechens disappeared overnight according to the police, and I shudder to think that they could have ended up in a foster home without Konrad's interference and his army of lawyers. I know Konrad risked his own skin with that false custody authorization Constantin “signed” before his death. 

I'm indebted to him and maybe his strong decision to overlook my choices in partners reinstates the fragile equilibrium we usually walk along. 

Without Konrad, I would be dead by now and he had the good grace of not mentioning it. Helping your adversary in need speaks well of you.

My father would have forgiven him just because he protected my boys. I know that I can't go against him after this. I only want to get better and get away from him. 

On the third day, Konrad returned with the boys and Ferdinand. I was strangely glad to see Ferdinand when I shouldn't because he hated my father since he saw him again and never hid it, but Ferdinand's true smile at me made me remember when he was like a father to me so many years ago. 

I wondered if I could ever hate Konrad, Ferdinand, Goran, Alexei and Michael. They were my friends always and stood by me in the past and present. They also plotted against my father. 

“Konrad, I would like to speak with you,” I said and Ferdinand took the boys away. Konrad sat on the chair, which is now “his” because nobody else dares to use it, and remained silent. I knew I had to go to the point without delays because over the days, his coldness and aloofness haven't diminished a bit. He's doing a job and he's not happy about it. 

“I've been thinking about what would happen if I die.” I said but his face was expressionless like always. Some days, I think he and Putin are cut from the same wood. You can't know what they're thinking or what they want from you. 

“Regarding Marvin…” He frowned at me, trying to recall who was “Marvin”. “Lavrov's child,” I clarified. “It's a huge security hole what you have in the system.” I said slowly. “I'm willing to give you the codes back and let you have total control over it.” 

“What do you want in exchange?” He asked me. 

“Two things,” I said. “The divorce if I survive or your promise that you will look after my children.” 

“The second you already have.” He reminded me coldly. “Kurt bears my name. The first thing is to be seen. I can't grant it at the moment.” 

“Why not? We can't be together again. I have agreed to give up Marvin. Sign the papers and you'll have me away from your companies. I won't ask anything else.” 

“By law you're entitled to 2.6 billion Swiss marks. That's half of my profits for the years we were legally married. I don't have such amount of cash at the moment. You'll have to wait.”

“I'll renounce to it. I don't want it.” 

“You might regret it later and then what, imagine the situation, you tell the courts that you were almost dead in a foreign country and signed anything to make me look after your kids. No, thank you. I have enough bad publicity on my own. Besides, we can't enlarge the breach between us. Some associates might resent it, especially our associates in Italy and Spain.” 

So it's a political problem. If we divorce, Enrico and Gorgazali will side with me in a more visible way. 

“How are our companies there?” I asked.

“They resent my leadership at the moment. Some people would rather have you back in the executive board.” Konrad replied and that's typical of us: code speaking even if I have one foot in the grave. 

“Then I should speak with them. We can't split production or management at the time.” I stated. “Is there any chance they'd come here? I can't leave this hospital right now.” 

“A letter would be enough.” Konrad said. “And that you yield me the custody of Kostya.” 

“I don't know if I can do that. Cons... François was thinking to sign the papers to allow me to adopt Kostya.” 

“Those papers were signed two weeks before you fell ill.” Konrad answered. “Along with his will, with you and the boys as his sole heirs, the judge will grant me custody of the children. I suppose François knew about his disease long before and chose to let it continue its course.”

That felt like a stab of treason because we had sorted out all our problems at that point. Constantin could have told me and think together what to do instead of going behind my back and fixing everything in advance. 

“Besides the DNA test says the child is yours.” Konrad said and got a stack of papers from his briefcase. “The judge in charge of the case says that your signature and sworn statement is all what she needs.” 

“I did nothing of the sort.” 

“Yes, you did, the first time we spoke.” Konrad told me and put the papers on top of me. “Will you sign this or not? These are the final forms they need.” 

“What else?” I wrote my name on the papers and honestly I couldn't keep my eyes fixed on the letters long enough as to read what was on them. “Happy now?” 

“Fair enough,” Konrad put them away. “Regarding the other thing.” 

“No letter without divorce papers.” 

“No, the other thing.” He told me and he sounded irked. 

“Give me a paper and a pencil. You might forget it.” Once again he gave me my own fountain pen and I wrote down what he needed to know. 

“Google drive?” he asked me in shock. 

“Good enough,” He took the pen away from my hands. “Isn't it mine or should it be put in the list of things to split?” I asked a bit upset that he was taking so many liberties. A truce doesn't mean we're “best buddies” again. 

“You don't really need it right now.” He stored it well inside his jacket. “It could get lost.” 

“I might like to write.” 

“Use your iPad,” he told me with that headmaster's tone I hate so much. 

“Oh, don't use what's in Google drive because those passwords are coded.” I said sweetly. 

“Coded?” 

“Yes, Lavrov will only pass the first security wall. If you screw it up later, he can tell you what's going to happen.” 

“Your sense of honor leaves a lot to be desired,” he grunted. Really. 

“Return my pen and I'll tell you how to break it.” 

He didn't return it and only looked at me. “Really,” I huffed and I knew right there that he had no intention of giving my stupid pen back. He can buy thousands of them! 

“Let's get this right, Konrad. We're even but not friends. This is utterly childish.” 

“You were withholding information.” 

Right. I forgot we were negotiating à la Lintorff. 

“You weren't exactly compliant with my terms. You got your papers signed and I got a vague promise from you. You rejected to grant me the divorce on the most ridiculous grounds I've ever heard and now you're the offended part.” 

“I'm doing the best for us all.” He told me with that superior air that one of these days is going to earn him the smashing of a flower vase over his head. “You're legally incapacitated as we speak.” 

“That's a contradiction in itself. If I'm “legally incapacitated” as you say, you can shove those papers up....” 

“All right!” He cut me off and put the pen out of his interior pocket. “It was a truly heartfelt apology when I gave it to you,” he growled and returned to me. “I really wanted to fix things between us,” he mumbled. 

“When did you give it to me?” I asked because I didn't have a clue. 

“That time when you wanted to do that stupid autographs tour in England and the States and I cancelled it. We argued over it because you were risking your health for something really unworthy and I gave it to you when I fixed your schedule.” 

“I remember it now,” I said quietly. Yes, that was that time I went to London, met with Malchenko and everything spiraled downwards from that moment on. I see now that I never truly forgot Constantin, not even after the kidnapping and I guess, not even now though I may learn to let him go. 

“You can keep it.” I gave it back to him, ashamed of my own weakness regarding Constantin, Konrad and myself. I was never so stable as he was in our relationship. It's logical that he wants it back. We argue, I become upset, he apologizes and waits for me to deal with my own rage. 

Konrad put it back in his pocket. “I'll send you a new one,” he mumbled. 

“No, there's no need.” I said. “You don't have to fix everything. I'm responsible for my own rubbish.”

“Anyway,” he shrugged. “This is robbery.” 

“Larceny,” I sighed. “You can keep it. It's yours. I never truly earned it... because, let's be honest, I didn't forgive you as I said.” 

“I know,” Konrad said. “Did we ever?” 

“I guess not.” I admitted. “We only signed armistices and carried on based on a good neighbors policy.” 

“Was this even a marriage for you?” Konrad asked me and the question truly hurt me. I did love him. 

“It was.” I said. “Or I thought it was.”

“I saw your paintings from here. I asked to send them back to Zurich.” Konrad sat again on the chair and he looked quite old and tired. “Let's be honest with each other. You were only free and happy when you were with him. You were at your best, unlike like when you were with me. Am I right?” 

“Happiness isn't a word I'd use for my... relationship with Constantin. We shared a deep soul connection though he was driving mad all the time. When I was with you, I couldn't live without him but when I was with him, I could live without you.” 

“That's the most honest thing you've told me ever.” 

“I never meant to hurt you, Konrad.” 

“No, it was my fault.” Konrad shook his head. “It was foolish to think you'd be mine forever because I was first and kept you away from everything. I only smothered and drove you mad with guilt if you ever thought about leaving me.” 

“That's true,” I agreed. “But I did love you until we split. I loved your sons.” 

“No, you didn’t.” He shook his head sadly. “If you would, you would have stayed and fought me in the courts. You just walked away with what was yours. Just like your father did when you were little.” 

I should have spat him on the face for what he said but I didn't do it because he was right. I always knew that if my father would have truly loved me, he would have taken me with him instead of dumping me in a school or with the nanny at two months old. Ferdinand once told me that even Konrad had to put up with me as a baby because my father and uncle were busy with something else. He doesn't know that I know it, but though he thinks I'd be upset if I ever find it out, it proves that he's a good person. 

“You're right,” I admitted quietly. 

“We shouldn't be having this conversation now.” Konrad said. “There's something else I want to speak with you.” 

“I won't go against you. Ask Fedérico to help you with the code. It's the same we used in school.” 

“I know you won't attack me.” He told me. “It's something else.” 

I waited for him to start and I could see he had trouble to find the words. 

“I've spoken with Sheik al Madani,” he said and I could have fainted right there. “He's concerned about your health and has found a way that could help you to get better.” 

“Did you speak with Altair and you didn't kill each other?” 

“Why should we?” He asked me and sounded surprised. “There's nothing between us. I'm only here acting as your guardian. After we broke up, you kept your end of the deal and I mine.” 

“Anyway, the sheik found a donor for you and doctors are quite sure that he's a match. They're thinking to send you to Abu Dhabi when you feel a bit better.” 

“How can you find a donor and make him wait?”

“He was an oil trader who smashed his car at 100 miles per hour. The widow, under the sheik's insistence, agreed to keep his husband's body on life support for as long as it is possible. I don't know what he has done to convince her because he won't tell me but it's an opportunity you have to take.” 

I was speechless. Altair had done that? For me?

“Dr. Wagemann will fly here and accompany you along with a medical team. The heart clinic in Abu Dhabi is one of the best in the world and the German who runs it knows what he's doing. Van Horn has spoken with him as well as the doctors here. The sheik and I had agreed that I will cover your expenses until the surgery and then he will do it.” 

“There's no need. I have money of my own.” I said automatically. 

“You can try to convince him. He's stubborn and in love with you.” 

“Why do he do this? We broke up.” 

“Somehow he thinks this is his fault. My question is; Are you willing to take the risk?” 

I didn't know what to think or do. 

“The place is good.” Konrad added. “Your chances here are dim.” 

“I can't do this to Altair.” I said slowly. 

“If you think this is a bribe to make you be with him, you're very wrong. He's an honorable man despite of what he is. He's really willing to solve whichever misunderstanding arose between you.” 

“Why are you on his side? You hate him.” 

“I still consider him my enemy,” Konrad sounded very sure. “But it will be very bad from my part to prevent you from taking this chance. I mean, between him and Arseniev, this is a certain improvement in your choice of partners.” 

“The whole Order will jump at my neck.” 

“I assume so.” Konrad stated calmly. “You will have to leave Europe if you want to live with him.” 

“Is that what you want?” I don't know why I asked it. I'm an idiot!

“My wishes in this matter are unimportant. I will not go with you per my lawyers and the Council’s recommendation. You know how laws are there. Ferdinand might want to accompany you. I'll fly back to Switzerland with the boys in case the surgery doesn't turn out as expected. The boys can't be in that country in case of your death.” 

Konrad always knew how to leave things crystal clear. 

“You'll get the boys back when you feel better. I'll bring them here or you can pick them at home but I'd rather don't have you there. Your comings and goings might hurt Klaus and Karl even more. When the time comes, we'll look for a solution.”

“What if I want to have them with me?” I asked hurt because that had been truly nasty from him. 

“It would be a legal mess for me if you die. Anyway, I'm not letting you take Kurt with you to that country. Remember that I'm his legal father too. You should be glad that I didn't go after you the first time.” 

“You'd wish.” I replied belligerently. “Under the Swiss law the most you can get is a visitation schedule.” 

“I adopted him just as you adopted mine. It's fifty-fifty, dear.” He told me ironically. “Forget about taking my boys to a Muslim country.” 

“You have no right.” I said. 

“I have every right and I'm doing what's best for them and you.” He told me. “Doctors will tell you when you're leaving. Good bye.” 

Just like that he stood up, picked up his papers and briefcase and left. The next days the children came by but with Ferdinand or Michael playing Cicerone. On the third day I dared to ask Ferdinand where Konrad was and he told me. 

“What did you expect? He's gone and this time forever. Once we fly to Abu Dhabi, he'll take the boys back to Switzerland. He doesn't want to see you again.” 

So it is over. This time for good. I really can't think on it right now. I have too much in my mind to worry about him. I can only focus on survive this and see what's coming next.