TS 2 Part V Chapter 18 B

The pool of dirty water spreading over the set of five watercolours was the worst that could happen on an already complicate morning. First Constantin had woken up in a sour mood, probably as a result of his poor performance last night. Guntram sighed and took a rug to dry the water before it would ruin the floor too. He had tried to grab the glass with water with his left hand but the sharp-hot pain had forced him to drop it before he could control himself. His watercolours of the rare birds he had watched in the garden were totally ruined.

He contemplated the destruction and knew they were only good for the trash can. 'Constantin will be furious for this. He's already upset because of last night mess and this will only enrage him more. He was just praising those birds yesterday.” He closed his eyes and continued to dry the table, softly cursing himself for his clumsiness and hating his left hand. 'I should have cut my throat instead of the arm.' The images of the previous night replayed once more in his mind no matter how hard he had tried to ignore them the whole morning.

After dinner, Constantin had been very charming and attentive to him, praising some pencil drawings and Guntram had only looked to the floor ashamed at the florid sentences, ashamed of being the centre of attention. For some unknown reason, Constantin wanted to drink champagne and opened a bottle of Dom Perignon 1966, coaxing Guntram to try it but he had stubbornly refused no matter Constantin or Dr. Sverdloff assured him many times that he was only taking heart medications and one glass or even two wouldn't hurt him at all. Finally, the Russians had given up and drank the bottle by themselves, leaving him alone with his orange juice.

Constantin expected his good mood to be matched or at least rewarded in the bedroom while Guntram felt very sad, tired and suffered a terrible headache. Although their relationship in the bedroom had slightly improved, the youth felt very guilty in the aftermath of their sex. Although Constantin claimed that he wanted to make love with him, for Guntram it was nothing more than sex and the quickest it was over, the better for him.

But Constantin had other plans and wanted to be romantic, something that Guntram hated as it reminded him to Konrad and all what he had lost. He endured as the older man disrobed him, taking his time and kissing each inch of his skin as he was uncovering it. He returned the kisses customarily as he wanted to keep him happy, still afraid to lose his own anchor to the human world. Konrad and his father's betrayals were still hurting him like a open wound and he was convinced that Constantin wanted the best for him. He had the firm intention of forgetting his past and start anew, but the sadness and the feeling of emptiness inside him were overwhelming.

He felt lost and naked.

He didn't know how to escape from the maze of feelings he was slowly plunging into.

TS 2 Part V Chapter 18 A

Chapter 18

December 22^nd, 2009

Zurich

Order's General Meeting

The mood in grand meeting room was sour and the air was electrified. 'What else could we expect from these good for nothing?' Goran thought but said nothing. The associates had simply rejected to go to war with the Masons no matter if their implication on the financing of the attacks against the Consort and Hochmeister had been more than proved. The Order's members only cared about making more money and were afraid of the heretics counterstrike or some loses an economical warfare could cause.

The Komturen with all their miseries had more integrity and honour in one of their fingers than any of the men sitting around the large wooden table. They were not worthy of being there. Instead of understanding the seriousness of their position, they were just complaining about giving 20% of their profits to charity. 2009 had been a year of record profits but no one wanted to contribute more despite the worsening of economic conditions in many European countries.

'I would kill them all if I could,' Goran thought and returned his attention to Michael Dähler's speech. 'Michael wastes his time with them.'

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Merry Christmas

If the Mayans, Nostradamus, a massive solar flare, the Three Days of Darkness, crossing the Photonic Belt, Ashtar, Supreme Commander of the Star Fleet or the Easter Bunny do not destroy our world on December 21st. we should find something to do on the 22nd.

As I was reminded, we should have a Christmas Story. First I thought about offering the possibility of chosing among three stories from the new book; Konrad's first lover and that "flea infested flat in Rome he shared with Ferdinand and Albert"; the "night of oysters and champagne that ruined" Konrad's life or THE Christmas story. Yes, that morning of December 24th, 2001, when Konrad was supposed to be paying attention to the homily in Notre Dame.

As the story, "Under the Sign of the Cross" was scheduled to be published at a much later date, it will appear on Christmas time, following the dates of the tale and disappear (return to its orginal publishing date) when it ends.

TS 2 Part V Chapter 17

Chapter 17

November 17^th, 2009

The soft dawn lights were enough to wake up Guntram from his restless sleep and whimpered when he turned around and crushed his left arm. “Are you all right?” asked Constantin with concern, sitting on the bed they shared. For a brief moment, Guntram wondered how he had gotten into his pyjamas and remembered the horrible previous night.

“No, I only touched the arm,” he said sadly.

“How do you feel today?”

“I'm fine, thank you.”

“No, you are not. Is there anything I can do for you, Guntram?”

“What could you do? Drug me till I die or shoot the bastard I have for father?”

“Guntram, I don't want to see you in pain and maybe he had his reasons to do what he did. Are you sure this man is your father? You saw his grave in Paris.”

“As I saw yours in Smolensk. Why are you defending him?”

“Because I don't want that this destroys you,” Constantin said earnestly.

“I can't believe that the man I loved so much hurt me this way. Everyone I love turns up bad. I must be a real idiot.”

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TS 2 Part V Chapter 16 B

November 16^th, 2009

'Why does he need to sleep so much? Sverdloff tells me he has recovered well from the blood loss and is not anaemic. The pain must be subdued with the pills and he has given up any hopes on Lintorff. Is he getting depressive? He was bound to depression when I met him and this rainy weather brings anyone down.' Constantin closed Guntram's bedroom door and walked toward the large bed where he was soundly asleep in the middle of the afternoon. 'He ate almost nothing at lunch but worked the whole morning. He needs something else to do.'

Constantin sat on the edge of the bed and gently shook Guntram awake, caressing his light brown hair when he shifted his position to sleep better. “It's already tea time, sleepyhead,” Constantin tried again and Guntram opened his eyes startled and lost for a second before he fixed his gaze on his captor.

“I'll stand up immediately, Alexander,” he said fearfully.

“Take your time but get up as you have slept for a long time. Are you in pain?”

“No, thank you,” Guntram lied and bit his lips to avoid cringe when Constantin petted his cheek. Mechanically, he wanted to sit on the bed and used his left arm to support himself and the hot pain shot from the tip of his fingers up to his shoulder like as a flash or burning energy, making him whimper before he could stop it. He sat and cradled the damaged arm against his chest and closed his eyes to ignore the torment that was opening his hand or to put any weight on it.

“Angel, take the pills as the doctor suggested. A severed nerve will cause you a lot of pain.”

“No, pills make me do it. I don't want any,” Guntram answered sadly. “I didn't mean to. I swear.”

'I know, but better be on the safe side,' evaluated Constantin. “This not an anxyolitic, just something like paracetamol but a bit stronger. It has no side effects and it's perfectly safe. There is no need for you to suffer.”

“No, thank you, Alexander. I'm doing much better and I promise I will recover all the time I lost after this.”

“I know you will, my angel. Get dressed now and join me at the living room. It's pouring outside and we must remain home today.”

“As you wish, Alexander,” Guntram said, fixing his eyes on the other man's shoes and holding his breath until he heard him leaving the room.

He crumbled against the headboard and sighed in relief once he was left alone. 'Why didn't I do it right? I should have done it differently but I was high and drunk. I'm an idiot who can't bring himself to take his own life.'

But the young man was well aware that keeping Repin waiting was the best way to make him furious. 'I can't be late or he will hurt Soren.' He pushed aside the covers and left the bed, doing his best to hurry. Buttoning up the shirt was challenging and painful at the same time but he had found a way to take the button with the thumb and ring finger and use the right hand to pass the buttonhole. He was grateful that he had been spared to wear a jacket and tie because of the suffocating heat.

Still very tired, he walked through the corridor, watching the tropical rain wash the flowers of the interior garden, its roof opened so they would get some water and fresh air. The lush yellow orchids on top of the medium size tree caught his attention and he lost track of time staring at them.

“Are you all right, Guntram?” Massaiev asked, gently touching his right arm, concerned that the boy was falling more and more into these strange trances when he would just forget about the world.

“Did I do it again? What time is it?” Guntram asked worried.

“Mr. Kuragin has been waiting for you for over an hour. Hurry up,” Massaiev coaxed him softly. 'Since he tried to kill himself he's more and more detached from everything. I fear he will try it once more and this time the medications will not be responsible. There should be something he cares about and brings him back to us.' He watched the retreating form and sighed. 'It's a real pity; he's the best we had so far and not troublesome at all. We should have taken him when he was very young and could be shaped into a perfect companion, but now he's too old and will fight or die in the attempt. The most we can expect is that he learns to behave and that is not an option for the boss. He wants to have Guntram wanting and loving him.'

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