More than a year ago, in March 2010, I started to publish in AdultFanFiction.com the novel “The Substitute” when I had already finished the First and Second part. I was really overwhelmed by the good receiving it had after the first four chapters. I never expected it and that it's not a commonplace, because I was well aware of many of the flaws it had. First and most important, I'm a non native English speaker, although I worked with some English companies. Second, I've never written Fiction in my life. Reports on Economics and Politics, more than I want to remember, but Fiction is something else. You have to tell the story and you have to convince a person to listen to you and you only have a few seconds of his-her time. Third, the plot at first sight seemed weak; good looking penniless boy gets rich hot man. Cinderella with trousers? Almost,but not quite.
What drove me to write this novel was that I've been reading slash for some time. Although there were many, many stories that I liked, most of them were left unfinished (big frustration!!!!) or the plot faded as the chapters were progressing. Some had great starts, good characters and then, poof! Nothing else happened. I still can't decide what I hate most; to be left dangling after our characters have the first date or to be disappointed because the boys took a plane and went to Hawaii and we never heard of them again. I promised myself not to do it and to finish what I had started.
Although I'm a woman, my work -yeah, I was one of the “traders” that Konrad despises so much- and studies -politics in a Latin American society and in the field of Strategics Studies (mostly military, no women at all- made me be more in contact with men than with woman and “learn” their communication codes, reactions and rules -totally different from women. And yes, saw many of those who still are “in the closet” open to me and give me the gift of their friendship.
Konrad's name does actually exist and let's say that I “met him” by accident on a hot Summer day in Wittstock-Dosse, Germany, in August 2009. I've just visited the Thirty Years War Museum that is in that city and I passed by the Wittstock Cathedral to make a quick tour. His name was there; on list of former Bishops and I liked it. There started the journey. I wanted to see how it would be to have a Modern Prince, how he would behave in our society and how would be his relation with power. I “built” his character on this premise and he was created before the rest of the characters. Guntram came as an antithesis of him, but I endowed him with the minimal potential that would allow him to survive in an dark, dangerous and hostile environment.
I read in some place that people were disappointed because Guntram was able to fight back with Konrad and showed quite a temper. And there comes a personal opinion about it; gays are not women; they're men and react as such. He will not cry in a corner and feel depressed. What really drives a man mad in a enclosure situation (e.g. kidnapping or hostage situation) is that he feel powerless about it. A woman can “deal” with it better than a man, but for them it's maddening and prefer to go for the frontal attack -even if they know that it's suicide- than coping with it. I never conceived him as a “fairy”; a sweet natured person, peaceful and loving, yes, but how many men do we know that are like him? He lives in his own world and sometimes comes down and checks what the rest of mankind is doing.
In “males dominated” environments like the Army or Finance, there are homosexuals and most of their straight (I hate the word) so let's say, heterosexual fellows know it and prefer to ignore it. What they hate is the “butterfly”, “sissy” aspects that are associated with the idea of being “gay”. The minute the man shows some “feathers” he's despised and scorned, but if it's kept “in private”, no one cares at all; there's some curiosity at the beginning, but it's no more than the curiosity they show when a boy gets a girlfriend. That Konrad is bisexual is no problem at all as long as he fulfils his duties and behaves as a man, without flinching in front of the challenges and fighting them back. Guntram, on the other hand is a sick person, but “does not cry like a little girl”; he's not weak. Let's remember the Sacred Thebes Battalion or Julius Caesar or Emperor Adrian. None of his men refused to fulfil their orders because they were “less of a man” or even, if he is not one of my favourite historical characters, Cecil Rhodes. All right, there were some jokes about Julius Caesar being called Queen of Bithynia, but it didn't prevent him to be one of the best commanders the Roman Army ever had.
Constantin on the other hand, is Konrad's alter ego but without any kind of restraints. Nothing at all; he enjoys the real freedom of power; the man that feeds himself on his most basic instincts and irrationality and is able to transform them into logical actions. What political theorist fear most; the beast that knows society rules and disregards them or uses them for his own benefit. The man in the Hobbesian State of Nature.
In the words of one of the readers Konrad is the lamb wearing the wolf's skin and Constantin the wolf in lamb skin.
Does it look like Cinderella still?
How do you show all this from the perspective of a 19-26 year old boy that lives in a far away galaxy? (Shh, be quiet Heindrik!) Guntram is the most inattentive person in this Earth and this is why he copes with Konrad and loves him. That's the reason why Konrad is able to see him “not as competition” or someone “to vanquish” and can lower his guard and love the boy. It's hard and nerve breaking for me. Everything has to be hinted and remain hidden at the same time. We have a boy, suffering from his first crush (La vie en rose?) and we all know how detrimental it's for reason and logic. We have experienced it and hit the head against the wall when we overcame it. Therefore the reader has to “fill in” the blanks; I like to use my imagination when I read something; Reading is a game and you have to play along, if not, it would be like watching TV. Guntram tells the things (chronicles, as Konrad says) but he misses the point totally. He writes and paints, leaving clues all the way, but never forming the puzzle until it's too late. He has no idea of what the Order is and denies its nature till the end of part II when he has no other choice than accepting it.
This is why the novel is “so long”. Yes, 500 pages is long but I hope you have not felt them. I had an incredible fun writing them. Too many characters? Yes, lots of people around, but how many people do we normally interact with in our lives? I swear that from the childhood friend, Ferdinand to the French cook, they all have a reason to be or help to heighten the main characters' personalities. Looking backwards, I realise that “The Substitute” is three books in one and it should have been presented as such.
Writing about Konrad, Guntram and Constantin was a long voyage and I would like to thank you all for all the support, letters and specially your patience with me.
What can you expect from this blog? I don't know. I never had one before. In the beginning, you can see some of the inspirational sources (sounds better than saying stealing) like the settings. Yes, I can imagine, characters and plots but when it comes to descriptions, I can only write “the room was big” and I need a photo to use as foundation for the writing process. I also live on feedback too. When it will be updated? I have no idea. I don't like to make promises I can't keep.
