TS 2 Part VI Chapter 23

Chapter 23

May 17^th, 2012

Zurich

The tall man almost overran the doorman trying to open the door to the elegant building: his greeting to the illustrious visitor died on his lips as the Duke simply ignored him and his bodyguards almost pushed him aside, taking positions in the lobby and only one following his superior to the elevator.

“Stay here,” Konrad grunted and entered alone in the elevator, keeping a blank face till the door closed and he could lean his forehead over it, drained like never before. 'This can't be true, but it's Goran. He wouldn't lie to me.”

He recomposed himself when the elevator stopped and looked exactly as always as the ice man all his people knew. His long strides took him to the door and when he was about to ring the bell, a woman dressed as a maid opened the door for him. She smiled broadly and only said “Mr. Pavicevic is in the living room, your Grace.”

He followed her after she took his coat and entered in the spacious room, modernly decorated with huge libraries, brimming with books and almost Spartan taste in the white leather sofas around a coffee table over a white carpet.

“My Duke,” Goran greeted him, but Konrad didn't hear him.

“Where is he?”

“Resting as he is exhausted. He should sleep a few hours more while we speak, my Griffin.”

“Later, Goran,” Konrad said, ready to walk toward the private area of the flat, but his path was blocked by a small toddler crawling at full speed in Goran's direction. His heart stopped as Konrad took in the soft features of the infant, his blue eyes and blond, nearly white hair. His head followed him as the baby reached Goran, his little hands clutching his trousers to use them as level to stand up.

“Not in front of the Griffin,” Goran said with a soft voice at the same time he removed the boy from his trousers before he could grab them. “He still does not stand up all by himself or walk on his own. You must be careful; he pulls down your trousers and dirties them.”

“Who is he?” Konrad croaked with a raspy voice.

“Not mine, my Duke. We must speak before you see the father.”

“Guntram's?”

“Yes. His full name is Konrad Goran de Lisle Guttenberg Sachsen. He asked me to be the baby's godfather. We will have to change his papers too. He appears there as Conor Tarasov,” Goran picked the child in his arms and he giggled at the dark haired man, grabbing his hair with his little fist. “Be careful also, he bites if he is hungry. Runs in the family,” Goran added, smiling in return to the baby.

Konrad was petrified in the middle of the living room. “Baby?” was the only thing he could utter.

“And a very nice fellow. He doesn't cry or yell like most babies do and has a good mood if he has had his lunch.”

Once more, the Duke examined the blond child and his features were Guntram's without any kind of doubts. He was exactly as he had imagined any child from Gunram would look and he was in the arms of one of the most vicious killers in the world, frowning a bit as he inspected with great interest Goran's golden crenel cross pin on his jacket's lapel. “C-c-can I hold him?”

“Certainly, my Griffin.” Goran handed the baby to Konrad, who took him in his arms as if he were made of glass.

His hand caressed the soft and blond bangs memorizing his features with a stricken heart; the blue eyes were exactly as his lover's, the chin, forehead and cheeks exactly as his, bearing the same perfect symmetry as the father. The baby chortled and his little hand reached to grab his tie, pulling it to see it better. “He is exactly as his father when he was a baby.”

“I assume so. Guntram says Konrad is his and I believe it.”

“He's perfect.”

“He has been washed and fed,” Goran clarified. “He accepted it gladly and didn't complain at all. Very nice fellow indeed, according to my house keeper. She bought him those clothes and some food. I don't know what to do with him, but I would prefer that he stays here with Guntram.”

“Where is he? Is he all right?”

“He is physically fine according to the doctor who was here. He needs to rest before he speaks to us. We need to talk in private, sir.” Goran rang the bell for Nicoletta who rushed in and took the baby, softly speaking with him in Russian.

“Why does she speak Russian to him?”

“That's what he knows mostly. Guntram was speaking with him in English, but Nicoletta does not understand it.”

“Russian?”

“Guntram was in Russia since April 2010, in Siberia. Repin kept him there and he was released two or three weeks ago.”

“What?” Konrad croaked.

“That's all what he told me and I didn't press him to speak. He was almost dead when he came here after crossing half Europe with little money and fake papers. I only took him in and called a doctor. He spoke very little and after showering, went to bed. He has been sleeping for the past five or six hours.”

“I have to see him.” Konrad turned around and tried to walk toward the rooms but Goran blocked his path again.

“Wait and hear me before you go in. He is greatly changed. Physically and mentally.”

“What has this animal done to him?”

Goran fixed his eyes on the tall man, trying to guess how much he will take from the news and spoke very slowly, gauging each one of his reactions. “His hair is black now but that can be fixed. He is very thin and has many scars. He does not speak unless he's spoken and he's the shadow of the man he was. He was drugged many times so he's terrified of doctors or needles now; his left hand is ruined and he limps a bit when he walks after standing for too long.”

“What happened to his hand?” Konrad asked in a wheeze as his body heavily crumbled over the sofa.

“I assume he tried to commit suicide and failed. The doctor said that he must have severed a nerve. He keeps it permanently closed to lessen the pain.”

Konrad gasped and stared at Goran. “The men at the bank didn't recognise him. I didn't recognise him at first sight. You must do your best to hide your shock when you see him. His mind is very fragile at this point. I believe he's afraid that you reject him too.”

“I understand,” Konrad whispered.

“I am going to let you see him now, but don't wake him up. Get used to the image and then, in a few hours you can speak with him.”

“I understand.”

“It would be better if he and little Konrad stay here for a few days. Then, he can go back to the castle if that's what he wants. The princes could be very impressed if they see him in his present state.” Konrad only fixed his eyes on Goran and nodded. “He has been held hostage for almost three years and imagines Soren Larsen maybe was killed or maybe escaped. Let's keep the rest to us for the time being, shall we?”

“How could he do all this? His heart condition was very serious.”

“A surgeon operated his heart and implanted something like a defibrillator. The doctor said that he would have died otherwise. Van Horn will have to evaluate him,” Goran added very softly and walked toward the door. He waited for some instants until Konrad found the inner strength to rise from the coach.

Goran crossed the corridor, followed by a defeated Konrad, and stopped in front of the guest room and opened the door almost soundlessly, letting the light from the corridor illuminate the darkened room and walked a few metres away to allow some privacy to his Duke.

Konrad fearfully entered in the room and contemplated the small form curled like a ball, only showing his back to him. 'He has lost a lot of weight. He was slender but he borders on anorexia now,' he thought and his gaze fixed itself on the dark hairs sprawled over the pillow. He approached the bed, doing his best to be silent and circled it to take a look at the face.

The shock forced him to close his eyes. His Guntram had always looked like a baby, full of innocence in his sleep and that comforted him like nothing else, but this man had a tortured, gaunt face, slightly trembling in his sleep. The clothes were too big for him and Konrad could see the hand, curled like a claw instead of the small fingers he had kissed so many times.

His eyes were filled with tears but he refrained himself from throwing himself toward the bed. 'This is all my fault. I was not there when he needed me so much.' He turned around and left the bedroom, closing its door before he collapsed against the wall, hitting his head against it.

“What did they do to him?”

“I don't know. He told me Repin gave him the baby but he used him to keep Guntram under control. He was with him all the time as his... lover and didn't let him leave the house he was in.”

“Was he raped?”

“I don't know, he told me nothing in this sense and used the word “lover” to describe what he was to Repin. In his state, all what he says has to be triple checked. According to Guntram, Repin is alive, killed Oblomov and wants to take the baby away from him. The bastard considers the child as his son.”

“I don't believe it.”

“Guntram believes the story. He took a train to Helsinki and there he met this American. He... accepted to be his escort to hide little Konrad and have a secure way to reach Europe. The man had no idea who Guntram was till today in the morning. The security guards at the bank almost pushed Guntram out when he went in, believing he was a crazy activist. One of them mistook the bundle he was carrying by his clothes and dropped the baby to the floor. Guntram almost killed the man with a knife he had hidden among his clothes.”

“What?” Konrad shouted in shock.

“He has changed a lot. I saw the security recordings and his attack on the guard was automatically done, without any kind of hesitations. Only Milan could control him and just because Guntram recognised him and dropped the knife. The American who was with him all the time is still in shock.”

“Guntram would never hurt a soul.”

“This person is not the Guntram we remember. Is someone else. I took him here and he almost punched the doctor when he touched him. He's only the old Guntram when he's with the baby and believes they are safe. He forbade Nicoletta to feed him and tried the food first. The American who was with him believed all the time he had been in an abusive relationship and that's why he had nightmares or was all the time on the edge. I had to convince him to let me buy clothes for the child and he almost... offered himself to me, sir.”

“What?

“I assume he traded his body for food and care for his child. At least with some Russians gangsters.”

Konrad slid against the wall and sat on the floor, burying the face in his hands. “Why?”

“He's sleeping there because we put the baby in first. I assume he was conditioned to obey. He told me Massaiev was his caretaker and that speaks for itself. I remember him; he was a ferocious trainer. I assume now that he feels really out of the hell he lived, everything is coming up to the surface and he feels terrified. Guntram claims that he was taking anti-psychotic drugs on a daily basis. The American told us that sometimes he falls into some kind of trances and forgets where he is or what he has done.”

“Is he...?” Konrad wanted to ask but he couldn't finish the question.

“Mad? I'm no psychiatrist. I'm a soldier but I've seen this kind of behaviour many times in the past. Maybe it's just the stress but we can consider the other option if he does not improve. This is why we must wait until he returns to his children. I agree with him in this; he does not want to see them now and you should not press him to. He has lived in permanent terror for three years; like being in the Japanese Death Row; you know you are sentenced, but you have no execution date. Every morning you hear the executioners pass by your door and pray they walk away.”

* * *

A sense of panic overtook Guntram when he opened his eyes in the unfamiliar bedroom, but he remembered that he was at Goran's place. He watched the window and only saw darkness. 'How much did I sleep? Where is Konrad?' he thought and jumped out of the bed, almost falling to the floor because of his dizziness and weakness. With great pain, he stood up and switched the bedside light on, finding his old robe over the bed and his slippers by the side. Still unsure in his steps, he walked toward the door and tried it, finding it open. The surge of happiness of being free was overwhelming and exhilarating, but he knew better than trusting those little “privileges” as they always came with a very high price tag attached.

Guntram walked through the illuminated corridor back to the living room where he could heard the voices of two people softly speaking. One was Goran's but he couldn't identify the other voice and his hand froze on the handle until he heard his son's voice babbling, making him react and enter to get the baby back before he could be hurt by the stranger.

“Dada!” the baby shouted from the floor, dressed, cleaned and happily sitting on top of a large colourful babies' blanket. He extended his hands to be picked up and Guntram rushed to him and took him in his arms, not minding of the rest of the people in the room.

Konrad was speechless at seeing Guntram again, burying his face on the baby's head to kiss him with great relief after he checked the child was all right. Goran stood up and stealthy approached the young man, always keeping himself on his visual field range.

“Hi, Guntram. Do you want to have dinner? Konrad already had,” he said softly and Guntram looked at him surprised.

“No, thank you,” he answered and hugged his child closer to his chest.

“You should eat something. Nicoletta cooks well,” Goran insisted.

“No, thank you,” he answered, afraid of the price to be paid. After John, he couldn't bring himself to do it again.

“It's just leftovers, we were going to throw them to the trash anyhow,” Goran said and Konrad looked at him in horror, but the Serb only made a negative gesture with his head. “You can have them or the dogs will finish them. It's your choice, Guntram.”

“I'll take them,” he answered after considering the proposition for some long excruciating minutes. “Did Konrad really eat?” he asked anxiously.

“Yes, of course. He can cry a lot for food. Eat the leftovers and you can put him to bed.”

“I have nothing to give you.”

“I want nothing from you. Clean after you are finished,” Goran said simply. “Take the child with you,” he ordered and the youth kept his head bent, not looking at the other figure in the room before he left for the kitchen.

“I'll come back in a minute, my Duke.” Goran escaped to the kitchen.

When both men left the living room, Konrad crumpled on the white sofa 'Was he really thinking Goran was going to charge him for the food? What did Repin do to him? He refused to look at me!'

* * *

The Serb was fast enough as to catch Guntram before he would give his chicken and potatoes to his son. “No, this is not good for the baby. He had much better,” he said dryly and removed the dish away from the father to get an apple for the child. “See? Fresh fruit. If you want it, finish your dinner and he can have it.”

The flashing look of pure hatred in Guntram's eyes was like a balm to Goran. 'He's badly hit but not broken.' “Eat now!” he barked and smashed the dish against the table making Guntram flinch in fear, hugging the child against his chest.

“Now!” Goran roared and Guntram automatically obeyed him, picking up the fork only with his right hand, not touching the knife at all. Goran took the baby from his arms but sat next to him to avoid further frightening him, checking how he used his right hand and the fork to cut the potatoes and fight with the chicken.

“Can you not use your left hand at all?”

“Knives are bad.”

“I see, do you want me to cut it?”

“No, thank you,” he answered mechanically and Goran took the dish away from him, first leaving the boy on the floor. He cut the meat very fast and dropped the knife in the sink, away from his friend. He watched with concern how Guntram flinched at the metallic sound produced by the knife's fall.

“Guntram, I am going to let you sleep with your child. You have everything you need in the bedroom's bathroom. Change him into his pyjamas, put him to sleep and then come to the living room. Get dressed; your old clothes are there.”

“Please, give me the apple,” he pleaded and Goran remembered his earlier threat-promise.

“Once you have finished your dinner,” he answered but went for a small knife to peel and slice the fruit before setting the pieces on a dish for the baby, not expecting he would eat after all what he had ate at dinner.

Guntram swallowed the food without tasting it and quickly called “Con, come here” very softly and Konrad crawled toward him to be sat on his father's lap to eat the apple.

Goran observed how Guntram almost coerced his son into eating fast as if he were afraid the man would change his mind and take the fruit away. Unable to stand the scene any longer, he stood up and walked away, closing the door behind him.

* * *

In the living room Konrad was still sitting, his gaze fixed upon the discarded toy the child had been playing with. “He is very nice,” he said mind absently when Goran occupied the empty space next to him. “How do you know his name?”

“There was a note written in his pocket, with his real name. I suppose Guntram left it in case he didn't make it and the police would find Konrad. He calls him Con sometimes, instead of Conor. It will make easier for him to learn his real name.”

“Guntram was always very clever. Do you think he will come home soon?”

For a second Goran was able to see his own Griffin's vulnerability and he chose to answer with honesty, using a soft tone. “I'm no psychiatrist. I saw this many times during the war or while visiting Komturen, sir. Massaiev was very proficient at creating good slaves.”

“Do they recover?”

“I don't know, they never last that much,” Goran answered quietly. “But I don't think Guntram is truly abated. He still has some fire inside him and he can defend himself when he is cornered or his child touched. The ones I met couldn't do a thing that was not ordered. He may need to stay here for a few days more.”

“Have they hurt the child?”

“The doctor says he's fine, a bit on the small side but normal. He can eat a lot, that's for sure, but he's not afraid of people. A nice child, indeed and more peaceful than your eldest.”

* * *

Once his son was soundly asleep in the crib, Guntram felt much more relaxed than he had in many years. He sat on the bed and sighed releasing the stress. 'He is Goran, not one of them. He will not hurt you. Control yourself! He fed Konrad and didn't ask for anything in return. He's your friend. He's like John,' Guntram reasoned with himself but couldn't suppress the fear roaming inside his guts. 'I have to get dressed and speak with him.'

He opened the closet and saw all his old clothes, the ones that were in his former flat and wondered what had happened to it. 'It's just two years but they feel like centuries.' He took an informal outfit out and realised that the size was too large for him and looked for a belt. The clothes felt baggy and he wondered how much weight he had lost over the years and decided to leave the jacket out, only wearing a beige jersey. In the bathroom he combed his black hair and wondered if the colour would ever disappear.

After one last check on his sleeping son, he walked down the corridor to the living room, knocking its door softly and shivering a bit when he heard “come in”. He gulped and opened the door, focusing his look on Goran, ignoring the tall man sitting in the shadows, purportedly showing his back to him and ignoring him.

“Come on Guntram, will you not say hello to the Duke?” Goran coaxed him and firmly turned him around to force him to look at Konrad, standing in his spot.

“Good evening, sir,” Guntram whispered, not looking at him.

“Guntram, don't you remember me, my love? It's me, Konrad,” he said desperately and approached him.

Guntram breathing increased its pace when he heard the words “my love” and took a step backward, but his escape was blocked by Goran. His mind was shouting him that he shouldn't see Konrad or the boys would be hurt. His fear was stronger than reason.

“Please Guntram, talk to me. You have no idea how much I missed you,” Konrad pleaded but stopped his approach.

'I also!' the youth wanted to scream but his mouth couldn't find the words nor his mind wanted to find them, He fixed his gaze upon the carpet, slightly shivering, fearing that his boys would be hurt. “I don't know you, sir,” he answered, dying in the inside.

“Little brother, this is your Consort!” Goran said firmly. “You are safe with us. You can speak freely. Repin can't touch you here.”

“No, I don't know this man. Let me go, Goran.”

“What have they done to you?” Konrad whispered devastated. “Guntram, it's me. I will protect and love your child as if he were mine. The boys will be thrilled to have a little brother. You named him after me.” He came closer to the young man and tried to lace his arms around his frame, but Guntram reacted in way he never would have expected from him, pushing him away and trying to dash for the door, only to be stopped by Goran.

“Easy, little brother, you are among friends. The Duke has been looking for you all this time.” The Serb firmly held him to prevent him from escaping the room.

“No! I don't know him! Leave me alone!”

“Guntram!” Konrad shouted in shock.

“I want to go home!”

“You are at home, little brother,” Goran repeated, still holding him by the elbows. “Tomorrow we visit your flat and arrange a room for little Konrad. Now, calm down and say hello to the Duke. This is not a good behaviour.”

“No, don't you see? He will kill the boys if I ever speak with Konrad! He knows where they are! He has photos of them!” Guntram cried emphatically. “Get him out of here, please. I told you not to call him!”

“Shh, no one is going to hurt the princes. They are fine, sleeping in their beds at the princess' residence,” Goran said using a soothing voice. “Their security is very tight and good. Do not worry about them. The Executioners look after them now.”

“Constantin has pictures of them! If you have the photo you get the bullet! Get him out, now!” He roared hysterically.

“Guntram, I will not kick my boss out of my house. Now, you behave as you were taught,” Goran said with a stern voice and Guntram froze on his spot, not fighting any longer and looking at him terrified. 'We have to break this circle.'

“The boys are fine, don't worry about them. They missed you so much. Come here and let me hold you, please,” Konrad said with a quivering voice, respecting his personal space. “Please, Guntram. I've missed you so much,” he pleaded again.

“No,” he answered, frozen in his spot, but not running away any more, torn between his longing to embrace his love and his fear for his children.

Konrad looked at Goran unable to make a decision and the man only nodded, moving away from Guntram and left the room to allow them some privacy.

“Please, Guntram let me come closer to you. I don't know what happened to you and I want to help you. You are the most important person in my life,” he used his most sweet voice. “The boys are dying to see you and your baby is the most beautiful child I've ever seen. I am deeply honoured that you named him after me.”

Guntram launched himself to his arms and buried his face on his chest, clutching him with all his strength and starting to cry openly, relieved that Konrad was not rejecting him as he was certain he would. After all, he was nothing but a worthless, crippled slut. “I did many things I'm ashamed of. I had to do them for him,” he confessed with broken sobs.

“It's all right, my love, you couldn't do anything wrong.” Konrad tried to calm him down, but Guntram was not hearing him, weeping with all his soul and holding Konrad very strongly. The man let him cry till the tears quieted to sobs, only petting his head and saying nothing.

“Constantin is alive and Massaiev was killed in front of me. Oblomov sent me here. He released me and attacked Constantin. I ran away with Konrad,” Guntram finally blurted out when his sobs quieted, still buried in his lover's chest. His words were difficult to understand for Konrad.

“How did this happen?”

“I don't know. I was in the park with Konrad and Massaiev and someone shot him dead. Next, I saw Oblomov and he sent me to Moscow with one of his men, but when he heard that Oblomov's car was blown up he gave me a wade of notes and some fake passports with our Russian names and vanished. With the money I had I took a train to St. Petersburg and entered Europe through Helsinki. I was not sure if my papers would pass an inspection at the airport.”

“Why didn't you contact the police?”

“I was afraid Constantin would find it out before you! The man in St. Petersburg answers to Constantin still. Massaiev told me once. I was terrified he would be looking for me and didn't know what to do. I met John and I hooked up with him as Constantin was looking for a man and his baby, not for two men and he had a car and hotel reservations under his name. He drove me to Bruges.”

“Bruges is our territory, Guntram,” Konrad said softly.

“No, it was full of Russians and I didn't want troubles. I didn't want to contact anyone but Goran. Someone is selling us to Constantin and if they would have known where I was, Constantin would have killed the boys. He hates them with all his soul and nothing would please him more than killing them. He has people that surrounds them and have free access to them in the school or at the castle! I saw pictures of them with my cousin and he showed me things that belonged to them! He told me he could poison them in less than a minute!”

“Guntram, he has no access to our sons.” Konrad stated, doing his best to sound convincing.

“You didn't see what he did to Soren! He tortured him several times till I behaved and accepted him. Later came Konrad and I was his slave just to get things for him. I whored myself for a bottle of vitamins D! I did unspeakable things just to keep him safe.”

“Is he truly yours?”

“Does it matter?” Guntram asked becoming restless again before he pushed Konrad away.

“No, it doesn't, my love,” Konrad answered softly trying to appease the young man, already prepared to bolt away. “He looks very much like you.”

“He is mine. I know it but you can run a DNA test on him if you want but never tell me the results.”

“I will never do it; he's yours and hopefully mine too.”

“You should not take me back. I'm impure and have done things I'm not proud of. I'm like my uncle.” Guntram sobbed again. “I'm a whore.”

“Guntram, don't say such things.” Konrad took his face between his hands.

“No, let me say this. The first time I went to bed with him was because I wanted a fix. He never raped me but convinced me to do it. He saved me from all these medications with this surgery and I agreed to stay with him for a year; to give him a chance to live together. I wanted to go away, but he didn't let me and I stayed for my child. I was terrified that something could happen to him.” Guntram said after he could control his renewed sobs, his voice quivering at the stern and piercing stare Konrad dedicated him, evaluating each one of his words.

“What do exactly mean with “sold myself for a fix”?”

“Nothing. It was just an expression,” he mumbled frightened.

“Do you have a substance abuse problem? It would be understandable under your present condition.”

“I don't do drugs! I tried to escape him five or ten days after I was kidnapped and I fell into a bear trap. The whole place was full of them! The doctor stitched my wounds but didn't give me painkillers and I fucked for them! Are you happy now? Am I a good customer for you now?” Guntram roared, pushing Konrad again. “All of you are the same piece of shit! All of you!”

“Guntram!”

“I don't want you here. We finished long time ago! You are with my cousin now! Go back to him and leave me alone! I'll go somewhere else, away from all of you!”

“Guntram, stop this moment before we say something we might regret later,” Konrad said sternly. “You are under a severe stress condition.”

“Severe stress condition? No, not at all! I just lost three years of my life to a crazy mobster and seven to another. I had enough and I'm going away! I'll take Konrad and you will never see me again. I'm not a junkie and you will not take my child away!”

“I don't want to take your son away! I'm just concerned about you!”

“No, you want to use this against me! You'll take him away!”

“Why do you say that? The baby is yours! I just want to know if you depend on drugs. If so, I will understand it and try to solve it.”

“Get out!”

“Guntram, are you all right?” Konrad asked the agitated youth, breathing raggedly and fighting to keep himself standing.

“Get out. I will not let you have my child,” he repeated slower than before, grabbing one of the chairs to stabilize himself, resting all his weight on it.

“Why are you so afraid that I steal your baby? Why would I do this?” Konrad said very softly, circling the table to approach Guntram. “Did Repin threaten you with taking the baby away? He's not here and you are safe. If I touch a single hair from that child, Goran will kill me before I realise it. In a few years, when the boys are teenagers, I might consider to trade them for your own one, but that's far away in the future. Klaus has quite a temper and will drive me crazy when he grows older.” The soft voice had the desired soothing effect and Guntram fixed his eyes in Konrad's, listening to the words which washed his terror over. “I never thought you would do drugs on your own, Maus, but they could have been forced upon you.”

“No, Constantin didn't harm me. He treated me well. He never hit me, unless I deserved it or raped me. He made others pay for my mistakes,” Guntram said with a raspy voice. “I will never forget when he ordered not to feed Konrad. He cried from hunger so much that my rebellion didn't last more than two hours. He gave me the baby and locked us together for a day. After some hours, he stopped crying and his silence and apathy were more terrifying than anything. I thought he was going to die and I started to hit my hands and head against the wall to kill me. That was when he released me and fed my baby. I fucked with two of his guards for a bottle of vitamins D.”

“Guntram...” Konrad couldn't find his voice.

“I sucked another man for paracetamol for him when he ran a high fever and fucked almost daily with Constantin for his food and clothes. Constantin let him be the moment I started to be a good boy again.”

“Guntram...”

“Yes Konrad. I went to bed with him countless times and I faked to enjoy it at beginning and then I forgot to fake it and enjoyed too. I wanted to be natural because the happier he was, Konrad would get more things. I'm like my uncle. You were right about me all the time.”

“No, you did what you did because of your son. I would have done the same.”

“Don't you get it? I was his whore and I enjoyed it. At the end, I let go the idea of fighting or escaping. Oblomov had to push me away! I gave up and accepted to do all what Constantin wanted me to do just to keep my baby!”

“Don't say a word, my love. You are my beloved no matter what. You are so beautiful.”

“Beautiful?” Guntram sneered. “I have a claw for a hand, look like a skeleton and fuck with every pervert who offers me something.”

“Guntram, stop right now.” Konrad said with a firm voice.

“No, you should know all about me and go away. It's for the best. Do you know why he went against my baby? Because in the end I didn't care at all if he hurt somebody. I only cared about myself and knew he couldn't hurt me. That's why he went against my son! It was my fault he was deprived of medications or food! Nothing I do, will ever compensate him!”

Konrad remained silent and drew his arms around Guntram, unable to cope with the tears falling through his cheeks, and held him tighter, relieved that his lover buried his face once more in his chest seeking for comfort and protection. 'He's on the verge of a nervous collapse. I have to calm him down and take him home with our boys, that's the only medicine for him.'

“Whatever you have done, you did it for your son. God will forgive you and I have nothing to say in the matter. It was not by your choice. You were kidnapped and held hostage for three years! Just tell me something; do you still love me?” He closed his eyes when the words escaped his mouth and looked ashamed of his own selfishness. Guntram took distance from him and gaped at him unable to find the words and not believing that Konrad was still asking that after all this time.

“Why do you ask me this? We broke up when I went to Argentina.” 'I should give him the chance to go away. He deserves much better than I.'

“Because I still love you like the first day I saw you.”

“I also,” Guntram replied, feeling his heart break into pieces. “I loved you all the time and I almost let everything go when I saw you had found someone like me. Constantin showed me the photos. They said I tried to kill myself that night, but I don't remember it.” he confessed ashamed. “One drug dealer from Colombia said you were killing them and still looking for me in March and I knew you hadn't given up on me and that made me want to live again.”

Konrad took him in his arms again and looked again into the blue eyes he had loved so much, getting lost in them once more while his hand moved a dark strand away from them. He bent his neck and kissed his Guntram, delicately and almost chastely at the beginning, to increase his pressure when he felt corresponded. Their kiss was not maddening or passionate, but one of two twin souls.

“Will you come home tomorrow? You and young Konrad?” Konrad asked, full of anxiety, once he broke the contact.

“I don't know, I've changed a lot and the boys will not recognise me. I need to see a doctor before I come near them,” Guntram muttered, falling once more into his pit of despair, sadness and longing.

“Klaus is dying to see you again. He is convinced that you will return to him and fought with me many times because I couldn't get you back. Karl is the same. They never forgot you and if they accept a new tutor it is just because he looks very much to you and know him from before. Eberhard has been very good to them.”

“I don't want to frighten them.”

“You will not. I will speak with them, but the only thing they care about is to have you back.”

“What about Konrad?”

“Klaus and Karl days of absolute monarchy are over, Maus. Competition is going to be hard for them but very welcomed by me. Konrad is very cute and polite and the rascals could learn something from him.”

“I have no papers for him. Nothing. I don't even know who was his mother. What if the Russian authorities take him away from me? I may well be a schizophrenic. I took drugs for it and everything improved, so I must be one!” Guntram asked becoming more and more afraid. “I'm unfit to be a parent!”

“Let the lawyers handle it,” Konrad shushed him. “He's genetically your child and the mother was probably a donor. No one is going to take him away from you. I swear that I will use all my power and influences so you can keep him; he belongs to our family.”

“Konrad, I...”

“We sleep together tonight. Let me stay with you and I promise to behave. I missed you so much.” Konrad said firmly. 'Goran is right, he's completely lost. I have to make him feel protected.'

“This is Goran's house, Konrad,” Guntram refused, afraid of the intimacy and overwhelmed by the fact that Konrad was still there and loved him despite all what had happened, still willing to touch him again. 'I don't deserve him.'

“Please. I will talk to him,” Konrad insisted.

“All right but I have nightmares,” Guntram confessed embarrassed, but secretly glad that Konrad was truly willing to sleep with him.

“I'll chase the demons away, Maus.” Konrad said and was gratified with a nervous and shy smile before Guntram went away, back to his room.