Down the Rabbit Hole

Chapter 12

'If this is Orion's idea of a romantic date, we could have saved it,' thought Julian as his head fruitlessly dodged a large branch in the middle of the night. He bit his lips to suppress the customary “ouch!” and hated each step he was forced to take through the practically invisible steep path bordering a cliff over the river.

'Has he not heard about flashlights before? Even lanterns or torches could be handy right now.' He thought but the deafening roaring of the waters bellow him drowned his thoughts.

The slippery mud track made Julian's lose his stability once more and almost fell off the cliff but the strong hand of Orion caught him just on time. “Be more attentive,” he chided him as he pushed the boy against the long, covered with ferns, stone wall. Julian opened his mouth to answer but Orion was already away. Mumbling his discomfort, the youth followed his lover's track more carefully than before, taking his steps hesitantly, hoping the ferns he clung to would provide him enough stability.

“There's no moon,” Julian suddenly realised as he pressed his back against the moist wall, not caring if his clothes became wet. For a brief moment he wondered how his lover could walk so easily through the path if everything was darker than an abyss.

“We don't need it now,” replied Orion. “It's better this way.” The tall man continued to walk and Julian followed him, cursing each shaky step he was forced to make.

“Here.” Orion stopped abruptly at a small plateau where the stone wall draw a slight semicircle before it continued as high and steep. The noise of the waters grew stronger than before.

Julian watched -guessed with the help of sounds he heard in the distance, how the man tore some plants away before he moved two or three large rocks.

The boy took two steps away as his heart hammered for no known reason. “Come here,” he heard Orion's whispered command.

Suddenly, the moon revealed itself from under the thick cover of clouds and Julian could take a better look at the small hole in the ground, darker and more threatening than anything he had seen before. The images and the horror-stories he had shared in the internet came to his mind. He watched Orion's gigantic frame and knew he had no chances against a man double his size and probably with more battle training than he ever had.

“I'm not going in,” Julian said nervously after a brief inspection from a safe distance. “That's too small. Dying like a trapped rabbit is not my idea of fun. I'm not that crazy,”

“Get in! There's something you must see,” Orion urged him.

“Not entering there,” Julian refused once more as his feet dragged him closer to the hole. The darkness coming like fluid volutes of energy was repulsive and attractive at the same time.

“We are wasting precious time with your stubbornness, young man. There's nothing evil in the darkness.”

“It's too small!” Julian shouted back as he felt with his right foot the pronounced steep slope of the hole.

“Down the rabbit hole!” Orion huffed, exasperated with the boy's delays, before he draw the lad by the collar and pushed him in direction of the entrance, making Julian fall to his knees and face the dark cavity. Another brutal shove sent Julian inside the cave and the natural gradient made him slip inside even further.

The space was so small that the roots and stones tore his clothes. Julian fought to turn around and go back but the entrance was blocked by Orion's body. He felt a strong hand pushing him more violently than before and he knew there was no way around.

Leaning on his elbows, using them to propel himself even further down the narrow passage, Julian advanced, his laboured breathing was the only sound that could be heard. The passage way cut in the solid rock was mined with small stones and old roots that grazed and tore his skin. His head began to ache with the almost impossible inclination it had as he felt his own blood accumulate in his head.

A wave of hot air engulfed him. Suddenly, the floor disappeared from under his hands, making him loose all stability and fall into the darkness.

He landed hard, hurting his right shoulder and couldn't help to let out a yell. Instinctively, Julian crouched against the nearest wall of the place he was trapped inside. He heard Orion came out of the hole more easily than he. He guessed how the man brushed the dirt from his clothes as he rose from the floor.

Julian covered once more as he heard Orion walk next to him, stop and then, walk away from him. The faint sound of two stones clanking against each other increased his uneasiness as he had no idea of what Orion could be doing. The temperature inside the hole was extremely wet and hot, making Julian pant as his heart rushed. His earlier headache increased its potency to a full migraine, making him swallow hard to keep his dinner in because of the pain.

“Take some of your clothes off,” Orion said before he began to softly blow over the justly ignited tiny flame.

Julian obeyed mechanically, watching fascinated how the man's hands fed the fire with small grey brownish pieces. “What's that?”

“Tinder fungus,” mumbled Orion as he approached some small twigs to the flickering flame, making it grow and illuminate the space that harboured them.

'You really paid attention in the boys scouts' school,' thought Julian but said nothing as he piled in a corner of the spacious cave the coat he wore along with his sweater and scarf.

As his eyes grew more accustomed to the semi-darkness, Julian held his breath when he saw the ceiling of the spacious cave, much larger that he had ever guessed. The fire grew and the light showed him many depictions of animals, mostly wolves and horses.

Julian held his breath in front of the beauty unfolding before him.

He rose to his feet and his head almost collided with the lower part of the ceiling. His hand instinctively stretched out to touch the nearest figure of a horse but he caught himself on time, afraid it would destroy the precious painting. He walked around the cave, not caring any longer if Orion was there or not, watching the large herd of horses in different sizes run around the circular cave.

He realised that paintings were not created out of single brush strokes but constructed from the union of thousand of small points, all of them mixing to give shape and colour to the animals.

In the centre, right under the crackling fire, he saw the figures of seven wolves forming a circle alongside with seven human like forms.

“Put out the fire!” Julian shouted, afraid that the smoke would ruin the paintings.

“Nothing will happen,” Orion said. “You said you wanted to see one cave. Here it is.”

“Where are the aurochs?” Julian realised suddenly. His eyes couldn't take full account of all what was depicted in the cave, but he couldn't find the typical large beasts anywhere.

“We don't use them.”

“But they should be here. All caves have them.”

“Not this one,” shrugged Orion. “Not our kind of animal. They belong to the daytime.”

Julian gaped at him but shook his head, dismissing his lover's lack of enthusiasm or interest. There were so many wonders revealing by themselves that he didn't feel like losing his time trying to understand him. Most of the time, it was a lost battle. Orion was a riddle and that was part of his charm.

Orion studied how the young man slowly walked around the cave as he discovered one by one the animals. The man watched with great care how the other figures chose to reveal themselves to the boy. First the horses, then the wolves, the men, the zoomorphic figures of men with the head of wolves and leopards, to finally see the glorious vultures.

“This is a tiered universe, Julian,” Orion said, satisfied with the boy's reaction to the cave and the cave's acceptance of him as he finally saw the rock's protuberance sculpted in bas-relief in the shape of a wolf's head.

Julian looked back at him. “How do you know this?” His fingers caressed the stone head.

“This place has been with us for a long time.”

“People should know about it. What is this? Musterian?”

“No, I would say Aurignacian, like the one in Chauvet-Pont-d'Arc.”

“That's over 25.000 years ago!” Julian commented letting a baffled sigh out. “Do you have any idea of the importance of this place?”

“I do.”

“Scientists should see it! Look at the figures. Nothing is as it's supposed to be!” He protested stronger than before but Orion only shook his head.

“No. Never. This is nothing for them.”

“Orion, this place is unique in the world. People should see it.”

“They would not understand it. Nobody will enter here. It's not for common people. Only for us.”

Julian fought against the nausea caused by the thundering headache coming back with vengeance as he treated to reason once more with Orion. “I'm not half-educated as you are, but you certainly understand what an important discovery this could be.”

“Julian, this place will not accept people inside it. It is like Lýkos,” Orion said softly as he sat directly under one of the wolves depictions.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because deeply inside you know he's not a common dog the same as you know this is not a cave with paintings. Am I right?”

“Yes, you are,” admitted Julian. “What are you? What is this place?”

“You will see it by yourself,” Orion answered as he took a leather pouch from his breast pocket.

Julian took the extended pouch and his fingers shakily undid the leather cords. The white silvery powder inside it meant nothing to him.

“What's this?” he asked with his eyes glued to the powder, strangely shinning.

“Moon dust,” replied Orion. “Take it.”

Julian's hands shook and he looked in shock at the powder again. “You could be one of us. Take as much as you want,” Orion insisted.

Without thinking, Julian dug his fingers in the silky powder and licked them, tasting nothing.

Surprised, his finger dug inside the pouch for a second dose before he returned it to Orion. He felt nothing as he looked at his lover, his eyes fixed on the fire, his hand drawing spirals over the ground. 'For a trippy, this is trash,' thought Julian as he sat again and readjusted the position of his back against the wall.

“You haven't answered my question,” Julian said before he felt his head begin to spin madly. “What are you?”

“We were given many names,” answered Orion as he gathered a handful of the red dirt and blew it directly into Julian's eyes.

Blinded and in horrible pain as the dirt viciously sting his eyes, Julian howled as he tried to remove the earth with his hands, but Orion's hands were faster and held them in a strong fist.

“Stay still and look with your new eyes!” the man shouted and Julian clenched his eyelids stronger than before, hoping the tears would wash the pain away.

The blinding red colour that invaded his brain made him grasp for air. His hands stopped fighting against Orion's as Julian watched the bright red-orange shade permeate all his being. With his eyes closed he got lost in the colour as the orange shades took the shape of points and danced around him. He faintly felt a pain in his skull as his head collided against the stone.

Julian watched how the red colour turned into a brilliant blue-orange one and the points draw now spirals around everywhere. He was fascinated as his mind followed one point to find a geometrical moving pattern, with changeable colours as if he would have fall inside a gigantic kaleidoscope.

The forms moved too fast for him to follow them and he felt his body fall into a colourful pit.

He was shocked when the first animal figure appeared and trotted towards him. Julian identified it as a large wolf and his hand tried to reach it, but it disappeared. He felt at loss as the wolf had reminded him of Lýkos.

Soon several more beasts appeared out of nowhere and surrounded him, curiously sniffing him but he felt no fear. The largest wolf broke the circle made around him and came closer, his laboured panting the only sound he heard.

Julian knew he had to follow the unusually large black animal and he walked towards it as the rest of the wolves vanished into a dark forest. He stroke the large head and his hand felt the silky hair under it, making Julian happy to have his friend with him.

The forest swirled around them and Julian's eyes couldn't follow the vertiginous spins the trees made around him. The floor vanished under his feet and his hand clutched the wolfdog's nape hair. It was his only link to what he considered as normal. The whirling shapes slowed down and began to adopt geometrical shapes as he followed Lýkos through the tunnel that unfolded before them.

Having the animal with him eased Julian's nerves and he began to watch the colours, shapes and shadows that moved around him. Despite his initial fear, he knew that nothing could hurt him as long as he remained with the wolfdog.

The long corridor of trees that lay before him looked calm and threatening at the same time. The trees began to swirl, taking more and more speed before the green tunnel swallowed Julian, transporting him at incredible speed. His hand loosened his hold over Lýkos' hair and the whirlwind took the dog away.

Lost, Julian looked with horror how the forest was consumed in a fire that burned in deadly silence. The flames died out and he was alone in the middle of a desert swept by a strong wind.

He felt no heat. Only the wind and the scorching sun hurt his eyes. 'Bizarre, I should burn, but I feel nothing,' he thought as he began to walk across the wasteland, searching for Lýkos.

The thirst made his throat ache like never before. He couldn't understand why he felt it as the desert was cold. He swallowed many times, but his mouth was dry and full of dust.

The acrid taste of the drug he had taken from Orion returned and Julian tried to spit to cast it away, but there was no water in his mouth. The acrid turned into an unbearable bitterness that spread all over his head. He fell down to the ground and hid his head between his knees, holding it tight, hoping the bitterness would go away.

All his veins burst on fire.

Unable to cope with the pain, his body collapsed all along the ground, curling itself into a foetal position. He got lost in the burning pain as his all being seemed to dissolve in it.

The first peck seared his side and Julian tried to turn around but he couldn't move, frozen in his pain. The second, the third and the fourth tore his skin but Julian stopped to fight against the fear and pain as something inside him told him to be quiet and brave. He closed his eyes and focused on the colours that once more danced in front of his eyelids. There were so bright that he forgot all about his torment.

The soft caresses of feathers brought him back to life as he pushed through the dense jungle of dark brown wings which suffocated him. From a distance he watched how the vultures fed on his body and he only felt detachment or curiosity at the birds doings.

He didn't care at all.

He felt liberated and powerful at the same time.

There was nothing that bind him to this world and why should it be? As he watched the wind mercilessly clean the remaining bones, he couldn't remember a single reason to make him mourn for the loss of his life.

'All I had before was an illusion,' he realised and his body trembled when a wet tongue licked his hand.

Lýkos.

His body was now a carcass swept by the strongest wind he had ever seen, yet he didn't feel its force. He watched how it was reduced to dust, carried away by the wind.

He felt falling as everything around him spun around him and mixed into thousands of colours. Once more, he was sucked by a tornado.

Thousands of small rocks pierced the naked skin of his back forcing him to wide open his eyes. The fire was almost had almost died out and the few embers that still remained cast flickering shadows over the cave's paintings.

Julian tried to sit but Orion's body pined him against the floor. The man's hands gripped his forearms strongly while his mouth kissed Julian fiercely, wishing to engulf him. Still dazed, overwhelmed by the vivid images he had experienced, the boy tried to repel the onslaught but Orion ignored his faint protests.

Knowing he had no chances against him, Julian decided to let his lover do as he wanted, only whimpering softly when he felt the man penetrate him. For a brief instant he watched the man on top of him, increasing the pace of his thrusts but his actions told him nothing.

He gasped and shuddered violently when Orion reached his inner pleasure spot but his mind was elsewhere, not truly registering the pleasure he should have had achieved. No, he was focused on the images painted on the cave's ceiling.

The seven men and wolves painted began to move in a slow motion. Julian watched in awe how they pursued the small horses, forming a circle that increased its speed more and more until they were nothing more than a series of spirals.

Dizzy like he had never been before, Julian fixed his eyes on the other figures, the large four horses heads, created with thousands of points and he noticed something he had not seen before; the leopards had semi-human counterparts; men with leopards' heads, carrying spears. Next to them, the cave revealed the figures of four vultures with their wings spread.

Distantly, Julian heard Orion reach his climax as he emptied himself inside him with a groan that reminded him of a wild feline. Painting, he felt the man's weight fully fall on top of his body. He had to close his eyes as his left hand moved across the floor to feel an anchor to reality. Something warm and soft touched his hand and Julian immediately knew it was Lýkos' black pelt.

He felt comforted.

“Open your new eyes and see,” Orion said softly. At that moment, Julian snapped out of his vision but kept his eyes firmly closed, afraid that reality was dull compared to what he had witnessed or lived.

“It's over. Open your eyes,” Orion repeated in a voice softer than before. Julian obeyed him, afraid the earlier searing pain would return, but there was none of that. The cave was still lit by the almost extinguished fire and the shadows danced where light had been before.

Panting, the young man finally opened his eyes and the cave swirled around him. Everything was surrounded by a dense white haze and he needed to take deep breaths to feel once more in control of his body.

Lýkos' long tongue licked his face and Julian almost jumped away when he realized the wolfdog had been all the time with him.

“When did he...? Did he see us?” he asked as the animal licked his face like a she-wolf cleans his pups.

“He came in some hours ago,” Orion answered. “I assume you called him.”

“Yes, he was there with me,” Julian whispered as his hands grabbed the animal's neck sides to rub them in gratitude. “How did he find us?”

“He's a wolf. He knows.” Orion replied as he watched Julian with a soft smile dangling from his lips. His large hand caressed the boy's face and it instinctively sought comfort in the touch.

“What was all this?” Julian said exhausted.

“What did you see?”

“Colours, forms, spirals, wolves, vultures which torn me into pieces, men and leopard-men. I don't know, really. It was a powerful dream. Like when you dream awake. Lýkos was all the time with me.”

“You are his Guardian. It's more than logical that he takes care of you.”

Julian watched the man incredulously and sighed. “What was this powder? It's unlike any weed I've tried before. Heck! No trippie can compare to it.”

“Moon-dust.”

“I heard that before,” Julian said dryly. “I'll never take that shit again.”

“It will not be necessary. Only once is sufficient if you are meant to be with us.”

Julian's eyes roamed the place, guessing more than seeing the painted figures, and preferred to ignore the fact that Orion's words made no sense at all. “This place is magical,” he said. “It's... nothing like I've ever seen before.”

“That is the reason behind my refusal to discover it to the world. People would not see it in all its deep meaning. This is a sacred place.”

“How do you know it?”

“It has been always in my family. It's our secret.”

“And what a secret it is!” Julian let a dry laugh out, falling them into an amiable silence. “Really, I don't do drugs,” he said with a stern voice. “It's shit.”

“As I said, we will never use it again. I only wanted you to open your eyes to see my world.”

“Why did you call me guardian? The other man, the one that came to your house in Paris, also did it.”

“Because you are one. I had some doubts before, but not after tonight.” Julian could only gape at Orion, waiting for a better explanation but the man averted his eyes and fixed them upon the dying embers, seemingly forgetting everything around him.

“Common people have given Lýkos and me many names in the past. Sorcerers, seers, warlocks, shamans, male-witches,” Orion finally said. “They seek our advise as we can see beyond ordinary people's abilities. We can see through their deceptions, right into their cores and sometimes through time. You have witnessed tonight Lýkos' ability to lead you through all what you experienced. He defended you from whatever evil that might have been awoken. When the vultures tore your flesh, you died and Lýkos guided you through your rebirth. He helped you to keep your connection with the earth and with this reality.”

“There were always three of us; a wise man, a warrior and a guardian. The wise man draws his powers from nature: the guardian serves as a link between the warrior and the wise man as he's able to understand them both. He or she looks after the warrior and the wise man; he is the nurturer or the three. He guards their well-being. Long time ago, guardians were mistaken by witches as they could speak with animals or direct the forces of nature at their will. On the other hand, the warrior protects them both with his life and shares his life force to the wise man. One cannot exist without the other two.”

“It's like being in a Gestalt.”

“It is. They are all parts of something bigger than themselves. They need each other to survive and prosper.”

“Why a wolf? Why not another human? The men I saw were hunting horses along with the wolves.”

“Those men were no ordinary men. Do you remember the story I told you? These men served the Moon-good, and wolves were always his favourite animals. Wolves have always been powerful creatures. Much more than any human. There is no difference between a man and a wolf. Both are powerful creatures.”

“Do you think I could be one of these guardians?” He was very sceptical.

“Perhaps. Time will tell,” shrugged Orion. “Guardians are even rarer than wise men or warriors.”

“It's a strange story indeed.” Julian said as he petted Lýkos fur. “Don't you think?” he addressed the wolfdog. “You're a big bad wolf, aren't you?” he joked and the animal rubbed his head against the boy's chest, just as if he were a young pup, glad to have the youth still with them.

“Does it mean you have “super-powers”?” Julian asked casually to Orion. “Like these moon-warriors who couldn't die?”

“No. I am normal,” he answered without batting an eyelash. “I'm merely a hunter.”

“Like a shaman? They can communicate with animals and know when a storm is coming.”

“And lead their tribes. Yes, something like that.”

“I always knew you had something of a witch in you,” Julian caressed Orion's cheek with tenderness, not believing a single word the man had said. As long it concerned him, the whole experience had been a “trip” gone sour, just like when he was doing “eye-shots” at fourteen; the greatest binge of his short life. No matter what the good-looking junior doctor in the E.R. was telling him about hallucinations, he was pretty sure of the colours and dancing shapes he had seen.

And the dark brown panther that had spent the night with him was not the product of his imagination. Just the result of trying new things. He was not crazy. He knew he was not crazy.

But seeing panthers and colours would grant him the privilege of getting a nicely written prescription for drugs, just like his mother had. He was not a loser - almost begging every family doctor for pills for her depression_ like she was.

After that memorable night when he had almost achieved to fall into an alcoholic coma, Julian swore to himself never, ever again to make “eye-shots” or “tampodkas”. From that day, he would only drink the “normal way” since the liver had its purpose in life and getting alcohol directly into your bloodstream wasn't such a good idea.

The panther had been the product of a night gone wrong. Period.

“In time you will understand me,” sighed Orion as he returned the caress, disappointed that Julian didn't mind at all his explanation or felt the least curious about it. He was too young and ignorant, no matter how hard the child-boy had tried to overcome his short vision. The only thing that mattered was how he had reacted to the experience and how he had been accepted into their world. “We know who we are and we have all the time in the world.”

“So that's all?”

“For the time being, yes.”

“Are you not supposed to be the wise man?” Julian asked ironically. “Are you not supposed to say something deeply insightful right at this moment?”

“No.”

“The people who come to you, do they think you are some kind of a shaman?”

“They come for advise, but I do not lead them. I separated myself from human society long time ago. Too many deceptions.”

“You speak as if you were older than Methuselah,” sighed Julian. “Very well, the vultures have told me more than you.”

Orion remained silent.

“Yes, as I saw them feeding on me, I realised that nothing in this earth was really important. Everything turned into dust, yet you and Lýkos remained.”

Feeling awkward after his confession, Julian looked with concern at Orion but the man remained quiet, drawing small semi-circles with his finger on the ground.

“That is the way things are for us,” Orion said after a long pause. “This is how we were created. There are no explanations, only acceptance. We are a single entity now.”