TS 2 Part VI Chapter 29

Chapter 29

June 3^rd, 2012

Zurich

Still wondering how Konrad had been able to obtain a real French birth certificate and papers for his son, Guntram finished to dress his baby with simple trousers and a shirt.

“Now Kurt, this is serious. I have to get you inside this long, pristine, truly white christening gown.”

“Dada!” he blurted out happily.

“One world and you rule the world,” Guntram said with a smile. “I really need your cooperation with this.” He displayed a large lace christening dress in front of the baby's luminous eyes. “Konrad must have been a very large baby no matter if he was baptised at eight months old. We only need to leave the strings lose and it fits you perfectly, Kurt. Please, be gentle to this dress. It has been with the Lintorff family for three generations.”

Kurt watched with a frown how his father slid the dress over his head but the mother of pearl buttons in the cuffs caught his attention until Guntram tried to put a lace bonnet over his head. With a furious gesture, the baby removed and threw it to the floor.

“Come on, Kurt. It's just for an hour,” Guntram pleaded but the strong pout in his son's face made his resolution falter.

“All right, it's really not necessary to put one on. You're not a small baby any longer,” he conceded and picked him up in his arms.

His heart accelerated its beating when he saw from the windows in the foyer the people gathered in the interior courtyard. He took a deep breath but couldn't move forward as his mind was in blank about what he would tell to all his friends and relatives. So many people, no matter how nice they were, simply made him panic.

“Here you are. The ceremony starts in ten minutes. Pater Bruno will baptise Kurt after the Mass and it will be only us.” Konrad informed him with an even voice, briefly touching Guntram's arm to take him away from the trance he seemed to be suffering. “I'll take him,” he added pointing at the baby squirming in Guntram's inert arms.

“All right,” he answered nervously, fighting against immobility.

“You only need to stay for the ceremony, Kitten. Leave the rest to me, but I doubt anyone would care about us once they see Kurt. We are not the hottest stock in the room any longer, remember? My charm vanished the day Georg took over,” he joked.

Guntram forced a smile, although it came out like a snort, and was glad to be saved from a moment of unease by Klaus and Karl bursting in the foyer and their laughters when they saw their little brother.

“That's a girl's dress!” Karl snickered.

“It's a Christening gown and be quiet or I'll show pictures of you two wearing something very similar,” Konrad growled and both boys became very serious at the threat.

“Let me carry, him,” Konrad said and took the baby in his arms to confidently walk toward the crowd.

Guntram looked at his back and took his boys hands to follow him, fearing he would be assaulted but the collective gasp he heard was addressed to his son as people surrounded Konrad, proudly showing his new heir.

Suddenly he was grabbed from behind and kissed on the cheek. Doing his best not to push away the person he turned around and recognised Elisabetta von Lintorff's back as she kept hugging him against her chest.

“My dear boy, you have no idea how much we all missed you,” she said visibly moved. “Tita is dying to see you, but she's inside the chapel.”

“Hello, Elisabetta,” he stammered. “I...”

“You have the most beautiful child I've seen in many years,” she immediately said when she realised how difficult it was for Guntram to speak. “You will sit next to me during the ceremony,” she added hugging him once more before she dragged him away from the crowd.

* * *

After the baptism, Goran replaced Konrad in the task of carrying a small and excited child, happy to be the centre of so much attention.

“This is a crenel cross, Goran,” Guntram said quietly when he saw the tiny cross hanging from his son's neck.

“He has every right to carry it as he is a Merovingian descendant. I'm proud to give it to him. You will have to keep and give it back after his first communion.”

“Where did you get it? It looks old.”

“From another member,” Goran said nonchalantly. 'From your father, but let's avoid a mess. Besides, Kurt has the right to carry the real thing,' he thought. “I'm going to show this little gentleman a bit more until lunch is served.” he loudly announced.

Still smiling at the retreating Goran, Guntram felt a bit out of place and oddly surprised by the casual way everyone was behaving around him. No one had uttered a single remark over his captivity, focusing their comments on how cute the child was. 'It's as if I had never been away.' His gaze wandered across the garden set with some open tents and tables for a lunch for around fifty people and he saw at the distance Jean Jacques, dressed with “civilian” clothes as he had been invited to the party but controlling -and shouting at- the sous-chef's work. 'Some things don't change at all,' he thought and felt terribly tired and dizzy. The need to move away from the crowd overwhelmed him once more and wondered if anyone would notice he was gone. His head spun again and he had to close his eyes.

“Hey, if you're going to faint, do it after a whiskey, pumpkin,” a well known voice said as two strong hands steadied him again.

“Fedérico!” Guntram shouted and embraced his friend.

“Careful, pumpkin. Mirko is around and he's quite jealous,” Fedérico laughed, strongly patting his back. “I'm so glad to see you again.”

“I also, Fefo. You have no idea how much I do.”

“I just saw the little Konrad, but Goran didn't let me carry him. He's quite territorial.”

“It's his way. Why did you say Mirko is jealous?”

“Because it's true,” Fedérico sighed. “Ah, you don't know. No, of course not. How could you? Mirko and I are “room-mates”.”

“Room-mates? As you live together?” Guntram asked puzzled, trying to understand how the serious and almost monk-like young man he remembered had ended up sharing a flat with the untidiest, loudest and careless person he had ever knew.

“We share the rent, the TV and the bed.” Guntram looked at him dumbstruck. “You can stop gaping, Pumpkin,” Fedérico laughed. “We are together since a year or two.”

“How?” he uttered.

“We met in Ciudad del Este. I think I saw his pretty ass before in Buenos Aires, but he didn't pay attention to me.”

“Ciudad del Este?” Guntram asked more shocked than before as his friend was dragging him away from the crowd to a corner in the garden with a bush tree and a iron bench. “The one in Paraguay?”

“The most romantic city after Paris. Imagine, dust, fake T-shirts and sunglasses, caymans and loud Cumbia music. If you don't fall in love there, you're a hopeless case,” Fedérico cackled.

“But Mirko and you? How does it work?” couldn't help to ask Guntram, sitting in a bench.

“We both had to reconsider our priorities to make it work. It's like living with St. Francis, but we do our best to fit together. For example, one day I came home with an incredible bottle of whiskey, which had costed me one kidney, and what does he do? He throws it away saying that it's a temptation from the devil!

“Ouch!”

“I can't smoke any longer and I'm not speaking of joints only. Cigarettes are forbidden too.”

“Are you really Fedérico Martiarena Alvear?” Guntram joked with a smile.

“When Lent started, I found myself facing a boiled fish every night. Fine, I thought, we eat fish but then, I tried to get some action in the bedroom and he punched me. “It's Lent!, he told me and there I drew the line. “If you want to eat fish and chicken for forty days, fine. If you want to say a rosary before going to bed, it's also fine by me but I will not live forty days of celibacy!”

“And?”

“I ate fish for forty days but had meat on the bed. On top, some “heretics” opened an Uruguayan grill two blocks down the street. It was simply horrible for me. Can you imagine what is to pass by and smell that grilled tenderloin? Or a blood sausage with raisins and orange thick cuts? On Easter Sunday I was banging the restaurant's door at 10 in the morning!”

Guntram laughed and felt very glad for his friend. “You're almost installed here.”

“Yes, I have a job here under Goran.” Fedérico briefly flashed his own Crenel cross, hanging from his neck. “I'm in charge with Mirko of the boys' security. I'm your new baby sitter.”

“Really?”

“Yes, we are. You could have gotten much worse, Guntram.”

“I'm glad you are here but can you stay here at all?”

“My ten years ban from Europe is over and now I'm ten years banned from Argentina. I make friends wherever I go.”

“I didn't know that,” Guntram said sympathetically.

“Don't worry. I rubbed the right people in the wrong direction, but I'm glad I did.”

“You have to tell me that,” Guntram chuckled and smiled again.

“Unsuitable story for chaste ears like yours, Pigeon,” Fedérico answered with his classical smirk. “How about going one of these days to this Uruguayan grill? Mirko likes it too.”

* * *

“I still don't think this is a good idea, Goran,” Konrad growled when he saw Guntram laughing good-heartedly with Fedérico in the distance.

“He needs to relax with people his own age. He needs to see people and a party like this one is good for him.”

“Martiarena got him into this mess with Repin.”

“And he did all what he could to get him out, sire. He is one of us now,” Goran defended his team member much to Konrad's annoyance.

“Nevertheless...”

“Look at Guntram now. He's not looking like a corpse any longer. During the service, I thought he was going to faint at any minute. He's talking with someone on his own.”

“I still don't like they're together.”

“With all due respect my Duke, a jealousy display is not what Guntram needs to reduce his stress.”

“I'm not jealous of that person! And give me the baby back. You had him for a long time,” he huffed and tried to recover Kurt from the other man's arms.

“After lunch.” The Serb turned around to walk in the other guests direction as Kurt giggled excitedly.

* * *

Guntram was surprised that his table was “family only”; Albert and his wife Carolina, Elisabetta and Tita von Olsztyn, Konrad, Goran and Udo Guttenberg Sachsen who arrived late because of a delayed flight. The old man crushed Guntram in his arms when he saw him.

“My dear boy, one may think you were cursed at birth,” he said with his eyes full of tears.

“I don't think so,” Guntram said weakly. “I have a son now... grandfather.”

“Yes, you have turned me into a great grandfather. Eberhard told me he's a beautiful child,”

“He's a very good baby. I'm here now because of him,” Guntram confessed and Udo hugged him once more.

“You are here and that's all what matters. You should visit us when you feel better.”

“Thank you,” Guntram said quietly and was very glad that Goran decided to “yield” his son to his adopted grandfather. Udo took Kurt in his arms and smiled at the little boy with true tenderness.

“He stays at this table. Eberhard has enough with the older boys and some of Albert's sons,” Goran smirked, caressing the blond head. “How do you do? I am Goran Pavicevic, Konrad's godfather,” he introduced himself to the Baron.

“Eberhard told me you went to Latin America several times to look for Guntram. I'm very grateful to you, Mr. Pavicevic,” Udo said as he looked enthralled to the child. “He has your grandmother Sigrid's eyes, Guntram. Exactly as you.”

“Thank you,” Guntram whispered feeling once more out of place and watching how his “grandfather” took the seat at the table next to his, still holding a fascinated Kurt in his arms.

“He is certainly cute, my child and fearless too,” Udo commented.

“He is braver than me,” Guntram whispered again and sat to recover his son for a brief moment before Birgitte politely asked him if she could take the “young prince” away for his lunch. With his eyes, he silently followed the maid taking the giggling Kurt away and once more he asked himself what was he doing here.

* * *

Guntram almost didn't touch his lunch, too nervous as he was, trying to understand all the well meaning phrases thrown at him without any order. Smiling and keeping a polite tone was becoming harder and harder and the first person to notice it was Konrad, sitting in front of him in the round table.

“Guntram, why don't you go to rest for a little while? We are planning to go for a walk in the forest,” Konrad suggested and Guntram smiled at him grateful that he could escape. He excused himself and left the table as fast as he could.

“How is his heart condition?” Udo asked once he saw his “grandchild” enter in the house. The rest of the family stopped their conversation and looked at Konrad expectantly.

“It has significantly deteriorated compared to before,” Konrad answered. “The doctor has included him in the heart transplant list but he's not at the top,” he lied. “It's just a precaution but we prefer to be on the safe side. Maybe we can delay the surgery for many years, but it's something we will have to eventually face.”

“Was this defibrillator not good enough?”

“All this was too much for anyone. With or without a heart condition. This surgery only relieves the symptoms of the hypertrophic cardiomyopathy he suffers but it doesn't cure it. In fact, this procedure is not recommended for young people like him because the heart muscle is scarred during surgery in a way that the person performing it may have no control over it. Dr. van Horn has increased his doses of beta-blockers again and those medications cause him fatigue and nightmares worsening his overall mental condition. Guntram told the doctor that he was given several times nitroglycerin to relieve the chest pain before undergoing the surgery and it's a miracle he's alive if he took it. In a person with HCM, this drug could cause a catastrophic reaction because it is a vasodilating agent. His doctor is simply baffled and can't understand how another doctor did this. Guntram says that this person was the one in charge for his surgery but we can't find anyone of that name. Strangely, the procedure was perfectly well done and van Horn tells me only a few doctors can do it so well. The police will look at the records at this American clinic to see if they can find anything.”

“What are you going to do?” Elisabetta asked after a long silence.

“We are taking holidays when the boys have finished the school term. Guntram needs to rest and have his peace. We are going to Sylt for a month or two,” Konrad answered her with a pained and forced smile.

“And then?”

“The doctors will evaluate him again. I'm confident he will recover. He survived two cardiac arrest episodes in the past. Guntram is stronger than anyone thinks and wants to live for his children.”

* * *

“Hey, you're going to miss the cake,” a happy Jean Jacques said to an escaping Guntram. “One little gentleman we both know will not forgive you.”

“We will return in a few hours, Jean,” he answered tiredly. “It's just...”

“Too much? Yes, it is. Don't give me an explanation. I never attend Christmas dinners because one; my mother insists on cooking and two; all my relatives are there.”

Guntram softly giggled and Jean Jacques smiled as his mobile loudly beeped in his pocket. “Buggers, can't leave me alone on a Sunday,” he complained as he took it out to read the SMS and a strangled cry escaped from his mouth.

“Is everything all right?” asked a concerned Guntram to the almost crying man.

“Look this!” answered Jean Jacques flashing the phone in front of his eyes.

'Where is my fucking blue tie?' the SMS said.

Guntram looked at Jean Jacques dumbfounded. “I don't understand you.”

“It's his fucking blue tie, Guntram. Don't you get it? His fucking blue tie!” An almost hysterical Jean Jacques laughed.

“No, I don't get it. Do you need a tie?”

“Alexei is coming home! He's coming here! I wrote him about the christening but he never answered me! And now he's coming!” He said at full speed. “I took his favourite tie to the dry cleaners! So he's at home!”

“Alexei is back?” Guntram had to lean for support on the nearest wall.

“Yes!” Jean Jacques jumped out of happiness. “Take care of my kitchen!” he shouted before he run away to get his own car and drive to the entrance to meet his love.

* * *

“Sit down, Alexei Gregorevich. I have no words to thank you. I will always be indebted to you,” Konrad intoned gravely as he sat behind his desk at the library and Guntram took a chair next to him.

“You owe me nothing, my Duke. We both decided to do this and I would have done this for any of my comrades and much more for Guntram,” Alexei replied with a smile, only wishing that his Duke would not want to discuss matters now in front of Guntram.

“Alexei, you saved my life twice,” Guntram said.

“Well, it seems we are stuck together for life, my friend,” Alexei chuckled, slightly shaking his head negatively. “It was a pleasure to do it. Really.”

“There is some unrest in the Russian Federation, Antonov.” The tone used by Konrad quickly told Alexei that his superior was upset he had extended the original mandate of the mission; Finding out, by any necessary means, where Guntram could be held hostage and return home.

“Only among people who have dirty consciences. Good people have nothing to fear. Once Oblomov attacked this place, I went there and followed any leads I could find about Repin. I have taken care of the people who was protecting him, but I couldn't find Klatschko or Repin himself, Sire. In that sense, I have failed you.”

“You have not failed me or Guntram,” Konrad said evenly and Alexei suppressed a sigh of relief. “What did you find out?”

“According to the local police reports in Khanty Mansiysk, Oblomov's people attacked the house and killed three women and an old man. I believe those were the house servants and were murdered when the attackers couldn't find Repin. When they were leaving the property, their cars were blown up by boob-traps placed all over the road to the house. The police couldn't enter in the place before 48 hours after the explosions. They are looking for Repin, his men, Guntram and the baby as they are the only missing bodies. They only want to question him.”

“They want to question me?” Guntram asked dismayed and fought against the tears veiling his eyes; the women had certainly been kind to him and his son.

“Probably, but you are not returning there. If the Russians want to contact you, they should speak with the French Embassy in Zurich, the same as the Argentineans should do. You had enough as it is,” Konrad barked, enraged that the sole mention of Repin's staff had upset so much Guntram as he looked so afraid, sad and lost at the same time.

Alexei gulped before he continued with his story. “Repin followed Guntram for a few days and then he just disappeared with part of his money. That's what one of his men told me. I don't know where he could be hiding now. None of his former henchmen spoke more than this and I think he left Russia,” Alexei finished his tale.

“You have no leads?”

“None, sire.” Alexei admitted bitterly. “I did my best, but all my efforts were fruitless.”

“Nothing was useless. Guntram is with us again,” Konrad said.

“I just wanted to see him and the baby. I can return to the mission a few days,” Alexei said and almost stood up from his chair .

“No!” Guntram intervened, grabbing him by the arm. “Stay here Alexei. Jean Jacques needs you too. Don't risk your life for me any longer.”

“Guntram, I can go back...”

“You have done more than enough my friend,” Guntram said. “I can't let you risk your life any longer. Stay here, please.”

“Yes, Antonov. You should stay and rest. I hope to see you at the bank in a week when we will discuss all this more in detail,” Konrad interfered. “Guntram, go to rest now and tomorrow or the day after, Alexei Gregorevich can visit you or you can take the child to his flat. I am very pleased with your performance, Alexei Gregorevich.”

* * *

Unable to cope with the tension any longer, Guntram entered in the nursery to find it crowded with presents distributed all over the desks, chairs, shelves and floor. Birgitte joined him, coming from the bedroom with Kurt in his arms.

“He's already changed into his pyjamas, sir,” she said and gave him the smiling boy. “I wonder where are we going to put all these things. The men just finished to bring them in,” she added looking around in wonder at the many packages distributed all over the room.

“Someone has to drop his Christmas list this year,” Guntram joked. “Where are we going to place the things?” he wondered out loud.

“Mr. Elssäser was suggesting that one of the smaller rooms in this wing should be transformed into a small study for the princes when they have to do their homework and remove their desks from the original playroom. The children like to play together.”

Karl and Klaus burst in the room, closely followed by a very tired Eberhard who collapsed over one of the chairs.

“Guntram, you have to tell me how you were able to run after them the whole day,” he mumbled. “I had a full classroom and I never had so much work.”

Birgitte suffocated a chuckle and left the room and Guntram approached his cousin, watching how his boys were admiring the large array of wrapped boxes.

“Are they for us?” Klaus asked merrily.

“No, they are for Kurt,” Karl explained him. “He had birthday, not you.”

“He's too small to open them,” Klaus retorted.

“I don't think so,” Guntram said with a grin and let his child on the floor, proudly watching how he took a few unsecured steps toward one of the small tables and firmly clutched one of its legs.

“Can we open them?” Klaus insisted.

“It's almost 9 p.m. You know what it means: bedtime.”

“Guntram!” the boys whined in unison but without much hopes of achieving a delay of their bedtime.

“You have school tomorrow,” Guntram replied. “If you don't go to bed now, you will not be able to stand up in the morning.”

“Guntram!!” Karl pleaded.

“Those are babies' toys, nothing for you,” he said to the pouting boys. “All right, we can open six boxes and then, to bed with you. Choose three packages each one of you and you can show them to Kurt and explain him what it is. I don't want to hear any complaints from Birgitte or Eberhard about you.” Both boys strongly nodded and ran to look for the biggest box in the room.

'It was so easy?' Eberhard wondered as his cousin sat next to him and called his son, who walked toward him as Guntram praised him.

Klaus was the first to run back to Kurt and flash a large box at his face. The baby was very impressed by the ribbon and enthusiastically began to chew it as his brother opened it for him.

“Clothes? Who gives clothes as present?” Klaus complained when he saw the neatly folded shirts and jerseys. “I'll help you to write a good list, Kurt.”

“Someone with taste and good sense. Kurt has enough toys.” Guntram saved Monika and Michael's card from the debris of papers scattered over the floor.

“Guntram! Kurt is eating the ribbon!” Karl shouted pointing at his little brother. “He's always hungry!”

“He's growing,” Guntram said and removed the item from the baby's mouth.” Your turn, Karl.”

The boy offered Kurt another present and this time it was a shinning wooden train which caught the baby's attention in no time. Klaus took another package and Kurt was delighted with the white plush animal inside.

“Let Kurt rest for a bit. You are doing things at a very fast pace. Let him play a bit with the toys.” Guntram mildly told them with a smile before Klaus could put the next package on top of his son.

A very tired Konrad entered in the playroom and picked up Karl who ran to him.
Klaus took advantage of his two parents distraction as they briefly kissed to shred the paper wrapping the present as Kurt watched him with great interest. “That's cool!” Klaus said when he took the fluffy green ball out from the box and threw it to the floor and the sphere lighted up, springing to life and running away.

“What is this?” Karl asked when he saw the ball roll over one side of the room and Kurt crawl after it shouting “papa” with a large smile in his rubicund face.

“I have no idea,” Konrad said visibly amused by the devise. “Who sent it?”

“It has no card,” Klaus said. “Kurt likes it,” he chuckled when his brother caught the ball and firmly held it against this chest to prevent it from escaping again.

“He certainly likes it,” Konrad commented distractedly and turned around to face Guntram.

The youth was very pale and his back glued against the wall as his eyes were fixed on the ball and his child. “Take it away,” he whispered looking very sick.

“Are you all right?” Konrad inquired as he closed the space between them.

“Take it away,” he repeated as all the children were playing with it, giggling with delight when the ball was running away.

“Why?” Konrad was concerned at Guntram's livid pallor. “Is there a problem?” Konrad asked again as he received no answer at all.

“It's Constantin's,” Guntram croaked and wished he could take his child and run away as far away as he could, but his body was not responding him. Once more.

“Repin's?” Konrad repeated in shock.

“He built it for Kurt. Take it away, please,” he pleaded.

As fast as he could, Konrad walked with long strides and removed the ball from the baby's hands and he began to loudly wail in protest and his brothers joined him.

“Silence!” Konrad growled and all the children looked at him alarmed. “To bed with all of you. Eberhard, take Kurt,” he ordered and left the room in a whirlwind.

The young German preferred to obey and took the crying baby in his arms and called Birgitte so she would put him bed while he was dealing with the older brothers.

Half an hour later he left the bedroom and found Guntram still standing against the wall and looking at the spot where his son had been playing.

“Guntam, what is it?” he asked softly.

“He is coming back for my child. He will never let me have him,” Guntram whispered with his eyes fixed on the opposite wall. “He will kill my other children to make me pay for escaping him. I should have never escaped him.”

* * *

Konrad could hear the muffled voice of Friederich through the door to his own bedroom. He sighed and debated with himself if he should knock on the door or not. 'Maybe they need to be alone. After all, only Friederich could get him out of his spell this time. He reacted to no one but him.'

'But I can't let him to face all this alone. I already failed him so many times before.' Certain of his responsibility as husband, he knocked on the heavy wooden door and opened it to find Guntram huddled in Friederich's arms, softly talking to him.

The old man dissolved the embrace and even if Guntram looked at him pleadingly, he rose from the bed and left the room in silence, only smiling encouragingly and with compassion at Konrad.

“May I?” Konrad asked, indicating the vacated place at the border of the bed.

“Yes, please,” Guntram muttered, brutally rubbing his red eyes. “I'm sorry for the scene.”

“Don't worry about it. We were a bit concerned. This is the first time we have so much problems to get you back.” Konrad said with a soft voice and Guntram launched himself in his arms, seeking for refugee.

“It's all right, Maus. He can't come here. I've spoken with Goran and he's investigating how the package arrived here,” Konrad said quietly, hugging his love very strongly.

“What if he gets Kurt?” Guntram asked, fighting against the sobs. “What if he takes him?”

“Repin can't set a foot in here. We will double the security measures.”

“Look what he did in Buenos Aires!” Guntram yelled.

“We were unaware of him and he had most of his resources. You heard Antonov, he lost most of his money. His people are dead by his own hand,” Konrad tried to reason.

“But he still has more than enough!”

“Not enough if the best he can do nowadays is sending a Mafia message to us. Guntram, please, don't become terrified because of this. If he would have some power left, he would have attacked us without any previous warning. I know him since many years and this is not his style. Repin used to kill people without any kind of warnings.”

“He does not want to kill Kurt! He wants to have him back!”

“Perhaps, perhaps not. We will only use Goran's people in the house. Birgitte is with us since twenty years and the youngest member of the remaining staff is with us since ten years or more. Goran fired all the rest this evening. We will hire no one from outside and move staff from other properties to here.”

“You had no idea how it was! He was so sure that he could kill the boys in no time!”

“And nothing happened!” Konrad lied with certainty.

“Where is the nanny, Konrad?”

“Resigned and substituted with your cousin. Klaus and Karl are to old to need a woman around. They can bathe by themselves now. With Birgitte is more than enough,” Konrad answered without diverting his eyes from Guntram's.

“Nothing else?”

“No. She had enough of us. Left some weeks before you returned.” 'I have to train Eberhard to keep his mouth shut.'

“I don't deserve to have you,” Guntram whispered visibly relaxed. “I don't know if I will ever be normal again. Today, it was horrible to be around so much people. They all were nice to me and wished me well, but I only wanted to go away. I can't shake the feeling of being an alien off. Their lives continued while mine did not and I feel I missed the bus. They slow down so I can run after it, but I don't want to. Everything is so normal and I am a freak.”

“Don't run after it. There are many buses in this world,” Konrad replied. “Freak or normal, I love you the same.”

“How can you say that? If I were you, I wouldn't forgive me. This is all my fault. I should have never trusted Constantin.”

“It's you who has to forgive me many more things,” Konrad said. “You daily risked your life to come back to me during this three years, and you named your baby after me. I always wanted a child from you, but I never dared to ask as you were so bent against the idea. I had my own selfish reasons because I wanted that a part of you would have stayed with me after you were gone.”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“I'm telling you now. You have no idea how happy I am to have Kurt in our lives. Do you think I would let Repin take him away from me? Do you really think Goran would let him come close to his godson?”

“I did many awful things, Konrad,” Guntram whispered.

“I also, but they are in the past. Maybe they're not as bad as you think. Why don't you tell me what happened?”

“If I do, you would never forgive me.”

“Try me. Tell me what happened. Let it out and you will feel better. I lived with the secret of my past relationship with your uncle, and the terror of being discovered almost drove me mad. Finally you forgave and accepted me. No one forced me to be with Roger, yet you understood me and returned to me.”

“It's not pretty what I have to tell.”

“Then, let's start by the good moments. You need to let it out.”

“Good moments?” Guntram asked shocked.

“What did you feel when Kurt was born? How were his first months? How was his room? What did he use to play with? Ah no, that one not. Babies sleep the whole day when they're newborns.”

“I... It was one of the happiest days of my life.” Guntram said with a trembling voice. “He was asleep in his basket and he looked right into my eyes.”

“And you didn't fall in love with Repin then?” Konrad asked slowly.

“No! I loved you. Nothing would have changed that.” Guntram protested.

“Then I have nothing to forgive you. If I let your father go because helped us, and I do believe his repentance is true, how could I be at odds with you?”

“Is it true?”

“He did his best to help us. He told us about Repin. Otherwise we would be still clueless. If he would truly become one of us, then I would be more willing to accept him.”

“How so?”

“He refuses to grant us access to the information he has on many strategic companies in the hands of the Lodge. He's still protecting Masons!” Konrad complained resentfully. “However I'm more concerned because of something that American friend of yours said.”

“John?”

“Althorpe, exactly.” Guntram looked at him, fearing Konrad's jealousy, but Konrad continued to caress him and he closed his eyes, feeling drained from the terror.

“He mentioned you were afraid of windows. Why? You know your father never did it,” Konrad asked once he felt that Guntram was almost asleep in his arms.

“I don't know.” Guntram bolted away before he finished his answer but Konrad caught him, forcing him to stay in the bed.

“I think you do. Whatever happened with your father it was never your fault, dear. It was his decision and you should not blame yourself. In his own way, he did whatever he could to protect you. I can understand his point of view although I can't justify his actions.”

“All my childhood I fantasized about it,” he told with a broken voice. “It seemed the most easy thing to do. There was something appealing to it. Dead I was more important than alive. People care about you once you jump out of a window, you know?”

“No, they don't. Nothing changes after suicide,” Konrad said sternly. “As corpse the only thing you do is to rot. Perhaps the flowers or trees will profit from it, but nobody else will. You are more valuable alive.”

“I know it now. I forgot all those crazy ideas once I met you and never had them again until Constantin took me. Suicide is not as glamorous or incredible as I used to believe. I still don't know or remember why I cut my veins open. That's what I'm most afraid of. I have these spells, trances, black outs or whatever and I have no idea of when they're going to show up. What if I do something bad to the children? I almost killed Kurt once.”

“Guntram, this will not happen here. Tell me, when are we ever alone in this house? When it's not the boys, it's Eberhard or a maid dusting something that really doesn't need to be cleaned. If you stand in one place for more than two minutes, someone comes and asks for something. 'Should I change the baby, your Grace?' 'Would you like to have diner, your Excellency?' 'The princes have used the Meissen Service for the teddy bears.' Sometimes I wonder if the servants have the “Duke Report” every morning.”

“Yes, after your morning coffee. Dieter brings the news in,” Guntram answered with relieved chuckle, now that his greatest fear was out and nothing bad had happened. No wails, no recriminations, no pity for the crazy suicide. Only a flood of warm friendship and understanding was coming from Konrad. “There is even a points system for evaluating your mood,” he added with some nervousness pouring from his voice.

“Really?” Konrad asked deeply surprised.

“Oh, yes. I heard it several times when Friederich was away. They say that if you wake up cross, your mood does not improve during the day, perhaps moves one or two points up or down. If you don't finish your breakfast, then hell will break lose in the afternoon. If you finish the cherry jam, you are nervous about something. If the sausages are left untouched, you are cranky or ate too much the previous night and woke up in a sour mood. Bad day to ask for a rise,” Guntram babbled and calmed down.

“I see,” Konrad mumbled. “Now tell me how was your life with Kurt?”

“Do you really want to hear it?”

“Yes, I do. I think that it's a mistake that we force you to lead a “normal” life without giving you the chance to exorcise all what you went through. We can't erase three years of your life. It's childish to think that now that you are back, you only need a little sleep and tomorrow everything will be fine again. I know this will take time and this is why we need to be on our own.”

“I was happy with him when I saw Kurt. I also accepted him after the surgery,” Guntram confessed ashamed. “I was not fighting against him all the time, Konrad.”

“I understand, Kitten.”

“Don't you hate me?”

“No, If you would have fought against him, you would be now dead. You bided your time until you could return to me. How could I hate or even judge you for this? I have no doubts of your love for me. We will go through this together. I'm sure of this.”

Guntram looked at Konrad for a long time before he exhaled a long sigh, taking courage for what was to come. 'I can do this,' he told himself.

“When I was in Austin, Constantin took me to...”