New Year... New Story

A birthday celebration

November 19^th, 1997

Zurich

“Not everyday one turns forty,” Konrad thought miserably when he opened his eyes at dawn. 'What I can't understand is this stupid need of celebrating it. I have nothing to celebrate and we already threw the party for the Xentrex takeover.'

He turned around in his bed and looked at his watch, abandoned on the bedside table. The golden Rolex gloomily shone as always. 'I should threw it to the trash can but I still cannot do it. It's a weakness I have to get rid of,' he thought but slid it over his wrist in a mechanical movement, averting his eyes, not to read the inscription “Je t'aime, R” also engraved in his heart. 

'Any hesitations and it would have been my head on the pillory and not his,' he thought as he rolled to one side of his large bed, lingering for a few minutes more, unable to find the courage to start his day. 'Ferdinand is right. I'm mad if I still long for the man who nearly killed me.'

'Where could he be now? Snakes do know how to hide.'

'I swear I will take my time with him.'

Well aware that now he will not be be able to catch his sleep again, he left the bed, throwing the covers aside and walked towards the bathroom to take a shower. 'I'm one year older, I can let go of training with Holgersen for one day.'

He dressed but left his jacket on the chair, only putting his vest on. With energetic and precise moves, he combed his hair and noticed the few blond strands tangled in the comb. 'I'm losing hair. Great.' His mood worsened and left his bedroom in a whirlwind.

As usual, Friederich was in his private living room, setting the breakfast tray with his calculated moves. He wished him happy birthday with a kind and fatherly smile and Konrad only grunted thank you, sitting at his chair to loudly unfold the Financial Times and ignore the old man.

“Will his Excellency dine here tonight?” Friederich asked as he finished to settle the dish with assorted meat slices and the basket with different kinds of rolls.

“No, I'm staying at the Ritz. With Stefania,” he barked as he folded the newspaper and defiantly held the furious stare he received from his former Tutor. “Is that a problem?” he asked rudely.

“No sir,” Friederich answered through clinched teeth.

“Good.” Konrad sauntered, glad that he had been able to shut up him.

Friederich left the room to brush his jacket once more, a good way to exorcise the need of hitting his former pupil with the spoon to knock some sense into him. 'From one whore to the next. When will he grow up? Love is not getting someone to cater all your whims. He's forty years old, not twenty! His age for mistaking these things is well past. He should find someone and fulfil his duty to his bloodline. He must settle down and have children!'

“Ah,” the old man said casually when he returned, getting his former pupil's attention. “Should I ask Mrs. van der Leyden to buy a suitable present for your date, my Duke?” he asked innocently but clearly stressing the world “buy”.

Konrad felt the fury creep from his interior at being reminded that after all he was “celebrating his birthday with a call girl”, but kept it under control. 'Never forget who he is, my son. Friederich may have chosen to live the life of a monk, but he's related to the Habsburgs. It was not his fault his family's lands were taken over by the communists.'

“I'll do it myself, thank you Friederich,” he answered haughtily.

* * *

To top a very unsuccessful and slow morning, his lunch was cancelled because of a minor occurrence at the London office. Hungry and upset, he realised at two he had no time to eat anything before his meeting with the technological company due in five minutes.

He watched how the slightly younger executive morosely explained his report and his gaze wandered over the Pisarro hanging over the wall in front of him. 'Forty years old and no children. It's the social death for a man of my position. Finally this is the aristocrats' job; producing heirs. Without them, there is no reason for us. Ferdinand has already three, Armin four and one more on the way and Adolf two baby girls.'

'Even Roger had a girl,' he remembered darkly.

'Forty years old and nothing so far.'

He noticed one mistake in the viewgraphs and quickly corrected it before he plunged back into his own pool of misery.

'I should have.... What? Married Roger? No way! Married the zu Löwenstein boring cow he was always trying to hook to my neck and surround myself with idiotic children while I was pounding him against the mattress?'

“Gentlemen, I thank you for your presentation, but I'm afraid I should decline your offer,” he said out loud when he calculated that the customary thirty minutes were over.

“The growth potential of the internet is unheard of. Once our company goes public, its shares will rise and be bigger than Netscape.”

“I see no real growth substance behind this kind of companies,” Konrad answered flatly. “You could convince me of investing in something related to a distribution network like Amazon but not on contents for a webpage. There is nothing behind. If you would be here offering me a new processor, computer, phone, software or distribution network, I would be the first person to invest in your company.”

“Internet is the future,” one of the executives said astonished that the banker could be such a moron. Everybody just knew it.

“I have no doubts, but this frenzy about contents is simply out of scale. A bubble about to burst. My answer is no,” Konrad said, even shocking Ferdinand with his answer, before he rose from the table to leave the room.

* * *

“Konrad, are you all right?” Ferdinand asked the minute he entered in his friend's offfice. “You just cancel a three hundred million dollars project. Should I remind you the figures of the estimated profits our own people made?”

“The world does not need another AOL, Ferdinand,” Konrad said tiredly. “I've spoken long with Dähler and he's right. We should focus on other kinds of companies.”

“Goran Pavicevic brings one sailor from Bosnia and he becomes our advisor?” Ferdinand exploded.

“The sailor has a doctor's degree in Astrophysics from the Ludwig-Maximiliams Universität, Ferdinand. He understands much more than you and I about computers and he does not see any growth potential in them. Perhaps for one or two years more, but our possibilities of jumping ship once the storm breaks, are minimal.”

“The only thing he did was catching Goran unaware and he gets a position? What's next? This new Russian Oblomov sent us becomes CEO?”

'In a few years, perhaps. Antonov is the best diplomat and soldier I've ever met. Repin's loss,' Konrad thought but preferred to change the topic. “Dähler has made a list of technological projects he believes may be interesting for us. Check it out with him and invest today's money there.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want to see if he's as intelligent as I think he is.”

“A nerd with a boat makes decisions for us now?” Ferdinand couldn't help to say out loud.

“The future belongs to the nerds, my friend. Make friends with them. Something else?”

“Happy birthday,” Ferdinand grunted and left the room, still furious with his friend.

Konrad leaned against the backrest and opened his laptop to check his e-mails. He saw many labelled as “personal”, probably filled with anniversary greetings, and repressed a sigh as he marked them to forward the messages to Monika. 'What a waste of time. Nothing really changes in your birthday. You're not wiser, only older.'

He checked his watch and once more the image of Roger assaulted him.

“Monika, could you please find something suitable for Miss Barberini?” He asked through the intercom to escape from the mental image. “Call me at five and have the car ready to drive to the airport.”

“Yes sir,” she answered.

“Ah, and while you are at it, get me a new watch,” he said without knowing why. “Something handmade. Place an order for a Patek Philippe, a tourbillon, too,” he finished the sentence.

“Would you like a Lange und Söhne, my Duke?” she asked a bit surprised. “A handmade watch might take a few months to be ready, sir. I saw a very nice one at the jewellery shop I will visit today.”

“Yes, a Lange und Söhne would be perfect. Thank you Monika.”

'Rolex is for children,' he thought. 'For newly arrived rookie traders. I'm forty years old now. Perhaps I should wear the Vacheron my father gave me on my twentieth first anniversary. I was always thinking it was for old men.'

'I should act my age. I'm not thirty any longer.'

He felt empty and for the first time, he knew that a tumble over the sheets with a woman he despised but needed would not quench the source of his uneasiness. 'My life is a piece of shit,' he thought darkly. 'And that's how it is going to be till I drop dead like my father did at sixty-five. Be glad, it's only twenty-five years more from now on.'

'Stefania thinks I'm going to marry and have children with her. Foolish woman. I need a “girlfriend” to be not so obvious.'

'At this moment, reading a book by the fire sounds more appealing than spending one night in disco, fucking a woman that brings nothing to my life and sleeping in a hotel.'

“Monika,” he called over the intercom.

“Yes sir?” her educated voice resounded in his empty office.

“Cancel my flight for tonight and offer my excuses to Miss Barberini, but please go for the watch you spoke about.”

“Very well, sir,” she answered with a merry voice and Konrad wondered why. 'She can't be jealous of Stefania but for some reason, she simply hates her.'

“I'm going home. I'm not feeling well,” he said and wondered why he had done it. It was not his style to justify his acts. “Have the car ready in thirty minutes,” he added sharply.

* * *

He sat at the family's dinning room and noticed that Hans and Dieter were serving the table tonight. 'Probably Friederich is still upset because of my “unbecoming” outburst this morning,' he thought but said or asked nothing, only watching how Hans poured the wine in his glass and Dieter placed the first course in front of him.

'Black truffle soup,' he thought. 'Small compensation for a hellish day.' He heard the butlers leave the room in silence and once the door was closed, he relaxed his stiff back. Reading alone at his library had not provided him with his much needed peace of mind.

'I'm certainly getting old. I just dismissed one night of fun for going to bed early and read a book.'

'Maybe I should find someone, marry, have children and go to cinemas on weekends to suffer a Disney film or get an ice cream poured over my trousers to find happiness. Ferdinand is happy with his boys, even if he can't stand the mother.'

'I could do it.'

'And ruin my life like my father did.' He left the spoon over the porcelain dish and looked at the soup in disgust. 'It's sour or the truffles are old.'

'No, the soup is perfect. You are old and sour,' his inner voice told him. 'What kind of woman would be so crazy as to marry you? Only one who looks at your bank accounts or one so stupid that she thinks your wooing is true. You don't like women at all and you want to marry one?'

Furious or frustrated with himself, he threw his yellow damascene napkin over the polished table and rose from the chair. “Tell the cook, I'm not hungry tonight,” he barked at the two surprised butlers awaiting outside for his orders.

Dieter and Hans could only gape at the retreating man, walking through the long corridor toward the library.

“At least, no one was fired tonight,” Hans mumbled as he turned around to clean the table. Dieter could only nod at his superior. 'Good we already left his cognac at the library. With his mood, he's going to find a piece of cork inside the bottle.'

* * *

Konrad burst into his library and saw the silver tray with his Rémy Martin bottle. He poured the amber liquid in the glass and sat in his favourite sofa to read in peace.

The words were meaningless and he put the book aside, feeling his own frustration grip his heart.

Old.

Empty.

Seeing a future futureless unfold in front of him.

Accumulating more power and money for the Order.

'God chose you to be in this position. Your duty is to answer to Him and do His will upon this Earth, Konrad,' his father had told him when he was no more than eight years old. 'We did not ask for it, but we will do His bidding. We are rulers, not ordinary people.'

'Yes, that's the way. My child is the Order. I'm only a tool for our Lord.'

He rose from the sofa and paced like a caged lion in his library. 'My duty is to increase our Church's power and defend it from its enemies. Nothing else.'

But the thought gave him no comfort and he felt trapped.

Without thinking he jerked the door open and walked toward the entrance to be intercepted by a flushed Dieter. 'The coat,” Konrad growled and the man ran to fetch it.

“Should I ask for the car, your Excellency?” the butler asked as he helped him to get him inside the overcoat.

“No, I'm going for a walk. Alone.”

He stormed out of his house and crossed the inner courtyard to take the path that led to the forest. He felt one of the bodyguards running after him. “Do I look like a man who needs a baby sitter?” Konrad roared “I'm going for a walk!” to the Serb quietly following him at a short distance.

“Yes sir,” the man answered impressed. “The dogs...”

“Put them on a leash or replace them if I shoot one dead!” Konrad exploded and continued to walk away from the suffocating castle, leaving the bewildered bodyguard behind.

Without thinking he continued to walk to the pond he used to go in the summer or play with his brother and friends when he was a child. The place had always given him peace of mind and he desperately needed to have it.

“Hello, Hubertus. You must be Hubertus the XVI,” he joked with the toad impassibly looking at him, perhaps a bit curious at the intrusion. “I caught many of your ancestors,” Konrad added and wondered why he had done it.

The toad looked at his direction and he leaned his weight on the railing and chortled. “Do you want to know a secret? My life sucks and I'm asking for advise to an ugly toad. I might be well getting insane.”

The toad jumped back into the water. “My, we are all sensible tonight,” Konrad muttered, slightly upset that his “confident” had preferred a almost frozen pond to him. 'What is it doing here? Shouldn't it be hibernating or something like this,' he pondered.

His blue gaze got lost in the scantly lightened pond and the loneliness brought him peace. 'I'm burned out. I had no idea how tired I was till tonight. Perhaps I should take it easier from now onward.'

'The minute you're not working, you are dead, Konrad.' the voice of his father came back from the past to remind him of his duties.

'You didn't have it easy too,' he thought compassionately. 'Perhaps Friederich gave you some comfort in the end, but I believe this was not what you wanted. Maybe you loved him but never knew how to tell him or maybe he loved you and he never dared to break his vows to Christ.'

'Where would I find someone like Friederich? He gives everything and asks for nothing in return. Perhaps having him as friend was God's reward to my father after the many tests he passed.'

'No, no friend can touch your life as your soul mate.'

'If I would find a woman like Roger I would marry her instantly.'

'Why the hell do I still long for him? I only want to kill him for ruining my life.'

'Why did I ever love him? He was very attractive but there are hundreds like him. He was beautiful but selfish and weak.'

'Why did I fall for him? Am I so pathetic that one single display of tenderness and compassion made me threw my life away? One single caress and a few well chosen words and I almost gave my life for him?'

'Don't worry, I'm beside you,' he told me and I was an idiot to believe him.'

'Idiot!'

His fist smashed the railing as he remembered the heated nights spent together. 'It was only good sex with a very expensive tag attached.'

'I was an idiot to fall in love with a whore. They only want things from you and when you say no, they finish you off.'

'But it doesn't change the fact that I loved him like I never loved anyone. I would give everything I have to have it back. That feeling of being part of something larger than myself. That feeling of being loved no matter how ugly or nasty you are.'

'Did Roger ever felt for me like this? I'm sure I did for him.'

'Did I?'

He snorted when he remembered Jerôme de Lisle's serious face offering his own son to “replace” Roger. “In a few years you could have all what you lost today, my Griffin,” the lawyer had told him.

'How old would be the boy now? Fourteen, fifteen?' he thought and let a dry laugh out. 'A smelly teenager, unable to join two sentences together, playing a blaring stereo, rebellious, impolite, more vain than a peacock... and only asking for money.'

'Exactly what I need in my life.'

'Where could he be? That rat never told us and honestly I didn't give a damn about the boy. We all saved our faces that night. If we would have found him, we would have sent him back to the Guttenberg Sachsen, but they had no contact with Jerôme de Lisle since 1983. It's very unlikely he would have left the child with them.'

'Nevertheless, Guntram was a nice baby,' he remembered dreamingly. 'One child like him would have been good to have around.'

'He inherited his mother's sweet and peaceful nature,' Jerôme's words resounded once more through the mist of dazed memories. 'He should have inherited the entire Peace Corps caring natures to counteract the de Lisle's hunger for power,' he snorted sarcastically. 'Nothing but the throne of France would have sufficed them.'

'Who am I kidding? Me, surrounded by children? Impossible!'

The face of Roger once more danced in front of his eyes and he shut them up. 'He's like a drug. Once you leave it, it's forever.'

'Someone with his face but without our family's meddling. Someone young you can control better than my brother.'

'Someone sweet tempered who would love me for myself and not for my position,' the duke sighed but frowned immediately.

'Grow up, Konrad. Fairies do not exist and they certainly don't grant wishes for free. Nasty and selfish creatures that's what they are. Small demons hidden behind a lovely face.'

'Just as Roger.'

'Be honest to yourself, Konrad. If someone, looking like Roger and with Friederich's caring personality would come into your life, you would throw yourself at his or her feet. You never learn,' his inner voice told him.

Before he could find an explanation, the idea formed in his brain. It was utterly stupid and childish, but even he could leave everything behind, even for a few minutes. 'Why not? It's not the Trevi Fountain, but it's almost like one,' his mind encouraged him. 'You never asked anything for yourself. Don't get people wishes for their birthdays? It can't get worse than it is.'

“I wish I would find someone who would love me by myself and allow me to have children. Three or four,” he said out loud and chuckled like a child, strangely feeling better.

His laugh died when he heard something moving among the big round leaves on the pond and his hand went to the weapon he carried. His stance relaxed when he saw the toad taking his place back.

“So you are back. I knew you couldn't resist my charming company,” he joked with the toad, once more sitting in his water lilly throne. “Answer me one question and I promise not to tell the children I will never have where your kind hides in this pond.”

The toad ignored him and Konrad sighed. 'Yes, I'm really going crazy, but a toad as confident is a hundred times better than a psychiatrist or a lover.'

“Should I marry a fifteen years old boy I've have not seen since he was a few months old and have children?” he asked, almost unable to control his laughter. “One croak for no and two for yes.”

The toad croaked twice in the silence of the night.

Konrad looked in his direction a bit shocked, but shook his head dismissing the ridiculous thought. 'Should have asked about the mess with Thermofusion. One excellent opportunity to get good advise for free wasted.'

“You are right about something. I should move on. Regretting about Roger's betrayal solves nothing. Here, take a gold token for your services,” he said as he unclasped the golden watch from his wrist. Calculating not to hurt the animal, Konrad threw the piece into the water, watching how it quickly sunk to the muddy bottom. “I hope gold is good enough payment for a toad's magical services,” he joked again.

The toad croaked twice in the silence of the night.

Konrad watched again at the amphibian and his security net based on logics crumbled down. 'That's the only thing it does, croaks twice to everything I say. Let's make a ridiculous question.'

“Should I marry Stefania? She's the only woman stupid and greedy enough as to suffer me. I have enough money as to pay her tab.”

The toad croaked once in the silence of the night.

Konrad's soul felt invaded by dread and he took two steps away from the railing.

'Nah! It's impossible!' he thought before he turned around to return to the safety of his well organised, sterile life.